Humour in The Market

[uk666]

Humour in The Market

Stock markets are in a tailspin and investors are not sure where to put their money. It's definitely not a time for conventional methods. So here's some stock market terms whose meanings have been revised to make them more up-to-date.

1. BULL MARKET: A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
2. BEAR MARKET: A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewellery, and the husband gets no sex.
3. VALUE INVESTING: The art of buying low and selling lower.
4. P/E RATIO: The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
5. BROKER: What my broker has made me.
6. STANDARD & POOR: Your life in a nutshell.
7. STOCK ANALYST: Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
8. STOCK SPLIT: When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
9. FINANCIAL PLANNER: A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
10. MARKET CORRECTION: The day after you buy stocks.
11. CASH FLOW: The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
12. YAHOO: What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
13. WINDOWS: What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
14. INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR: Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
15. PROFIT: An ancient word no longer in use.