New Priest

[uk666]

New Priest

A new priest at his first mass, was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass, he asked the monsignor how he had done. 

The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I always have a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip." So, the next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice.

At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon returning to his office after mass, he found the following note on his office door:

1. I said "sip the vodka" but you were gulp it down!
2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5. Jacob wagered his donkey; he did not bet his a#s.
6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
7. The Father, Son, and the Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior, and Spook.
8. When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his a#s.
9. The recommended grace before a meal is not: "Rub-A-Dub-Dub, thanks for the grub, yeah God!"
10. The Virgin Mary is not referred to as, "Mary with the Cherry."