40 Funny Saying

[uk666]

40 Funny Saying

1. I'm as confused as a baby in a topless bar.
2. I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing!
3. I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.
4. If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
5. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
6. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
7. If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic.
8. If you can read this, I can slam on my brakes and sue you!
9. If you can't convince them, confuse them.
10. If you choke a Smurf, what colour does it turn?
11. If you get to it and you can't do it, well there you jolly well are, aren't you.
12. If you haven't much education you must use your brain.
13. If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything.
14. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
15. It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help.
16. It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
17. It's always darkest before dawn. So, if you're going to steal the neighbour’s newspaper, that's the time to do it.
18. It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.
19. Join the Army, meet interesting people, and kill them.
20. Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humour.
21. Learn from your parents' mistakes: use birth control.
22. Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
23. Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener.
24. Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.
25. Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.
26. Multitasking means screwing up several things at once.
27. My mind is like a steel trap, rusty and illegal in 37 states.
28. Never ask a barber if he thinks you need a haircut.
29. Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.
30. Never mess up an apology with an excuse.
31. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
32. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
33. Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
34. No one is listening until you make a mistake.
35. Oh Lord, give me patience, and GIVE IT TO ME NOW!
36. Okay, who put a stop payment on my reality check?
37. Oops. My brain just hit a bad sector.
38. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
39. Plan to be spontaneous, tomorrow.
40. Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have.