Employee Evaluation Quotes

[Seafood]

These quotes were taken from actual employee performance evaluations in a large Company:

“Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom....and has started to dig deeper."

“His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity."

“Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap."

“This employee is really not so much of a 'has-been', but more of a definite 'won't-be'."

“He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them."

“This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot."

“This young lady has delusions of adequacy."

“This employee should go far... and the sooner he starts, the better."

“I would like to go hunting with him sometime."

“He certainly takes a long time to make his point pointless."

“If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week."

“He's been working with glue too much."

“Donated his brain to science before he was done using it."

“Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming." “Has two brains: one is lost and the other is out looking for it."

“If you gave her a penny for her thoughts, you'd get change."

“She would argue with a signpost."

“He has a knack for making strangers immediately."

“He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room."

“If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the oceans."

“When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell."

“If you see two people talking and one of them looks bored,

he's the other one."

“Some drink from the fountain of knowledge...he only gargled."

“It's hard to believe that he beat 1,000,000 other sperm to the egg."

One neuron short of a synapse."

““Takes him 2 hours to watch 60 minutes."

“When she opens her mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet."

“Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingie to hold it all together."

“The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead."

[draww]

I think some of those ladies and gentlemen were promoted to CEOs at some point 🤔

[draww]

And in case you were wondering what performance review terms REALLY mean:

Exceptionally Well Qualified…….Made No Major Blunders Yet
Active Socially………………………..Drinks a Lot
Quick Thinking………………………..Offers Plausible Excuses
Careful Thinker……………………….Won’t Make a Decision
Uses Logic on Difficult Jobs……..Gets Someone Else To Do It
Meticulous Attention to Detail….A Nit Picker
Has Leadership Qualities………….Is Tall or Has A Loud Voice
Good Communication Skills……..Spends Lots of Time on Phone
Loyal………………………………………Can’t Get a Job Anywhere Else