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What's the difference between Boris Johnson and the Beastie Boys?
The Beastie Boys had to fight for their right to party!!..

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A little kid just said to me, "What's your favourite telly tubby?"
I said "Probably the Samsung 42 inch flatscreen, ya cheeky wee b*st*rd"
 
 
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Q: Why did the city build a graveyard across the street from the retirement home?

A: So all the old people can see there futures!

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What has four legs, is big, green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree would kill you?

A pool table.

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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?
No one can eat just one potato ship.

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Q: Why is air a lot like sex?

A: Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.

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Do you enjoy yelling "What?" from the other room?
Then marriage might be for you.

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Why does the bride always wear white?

Because it's good for the dishwasher to match the cooker and the fridge.

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What did the titanic say as it sank?
I nominate all passengers for the ice bucket challenge
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What's the difference between Big Ben and Tic Tok?
One tells time, the other wastes time.

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