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Posted

What do you call a Russian with Bronchitis

Ivor Chestikov

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Posted

What do you call an Indian man that travels a lot?
Bindair Dundat

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Posted

What are the three words you dread to hear when making love ?
Honey I'm home

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Whats the difference between Clint Eastwood and anal sex?

One will make your day and the other will make your whole week.

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Posted
Want to know how to make your wife scream while you're having sex?
Call her up and tell her what you're doing.
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What do you call a marathon where all the runners are transvestites?
A drag race.

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How many corpses does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

It must be more than eight, 'cause my spare room's still dark.

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Teacher:"I have a green ball in one hand, a green ball in another, what do I have"
Student:"Kermit the Frog begging for mercy"

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Why can’t dyslexics tell jokes?
They always punch up the f**kline

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Posted

How does a squid go into battle?

Well-armed.

 

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Q: Why are PCs like air conditioners?
A: They stop working properly if you open Windows!
 

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Q: What do you call Windows Multitasking?
A: Screwing up several things at once!

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Posted

Q. Where did Noah keep his Bees?

A. In the Arkhives

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ScreenHunter_007.jpg

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Q: What's the difference between a boxer and a woman?
A: A boxer stands up to get knocked down and a woman lies down to get knocked up.

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Posted

Q. What’s the most dangerous thing a F1 Grand Prix driver does?

A. Skiing.

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Posted

Japanese Doctor

Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?

A: Heart only good for so many beats, and that it.... Don't waste on exercise. Everything wear out eventually. Speeding up heart not ma ke you live longer; it like saying you extend life of car by driving faster. Want to live longer? Take nap.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

A: Oh no. Wine made from fruit. Fruit very good. Brandy distilled wine, that mean they take water out of fruity bit so you get even more of goodness that way. Beer also made of grain. Grain good too. Bottom up!

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?

A: Can't think of one, sorry. My philosophy: No pain...good!

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?

A: YOU NOT LISTENING! Food fried in vegetable oil. How getting more vegetable be bad?

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

A: You crazy?!? HEL-LO-O!! Cocoa bean! Another vegetable! It best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?

A: If swimming good for figure, explain whale to me..

Q: Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle?

A: Hey! 'Round' is shape!

Well... I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

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Posted

Q: What do hillbillies do for Halloween?

A: They pumpkin.

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Q: What has made you feel more of a man than anything else?
A: For me it was the introduction of the metric system.

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Where did Little Suzy go after getting lost on a minefield?

Everywhere

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What did the guy say when he walked into a bar in California?

"Free shots for everyone"

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Posted

Why don't they have ice cubes in Ireland?
The Irish have forgotten the recipe.

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Posted

How much room do you need to grow a fungus?

As Mushroom as possible

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What do Theon Greyjoy and Justin Timberlake have in common?

A d*ck in a box.

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How does an Eskimo build his house?

Igloos it together!

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