Koolkat’s Quips - funny One-Liners

[Seafood]

If Men are only capable of concentrating on one thing at a time, how come Women have two boobs?

[Seafood]

Apparently john McAfee died from some sort of virus.

[koolkat]

“I don’t want an inquiry, I want to find out what happened.”  (“Yes Minister”)

[koolkat]

 

Computing definitions:

Keyboard - The standard way to generate computer errors.

Mouse - An advanced input device to generate computer errors easier.

Help:  The feature that assists in generating more questions.

[koolkat]

Reference Manual, n. Object that raises the monitor to eye level. Also used to compensate for short table legs.

Toll-free hotline:  A busy-signal test number.

[Seafood]

If you scream in a library, people just look at you funny. If you scream on an airplane, everyone joins in.....

[Seafood]

Terrorists in Baghdad recently blew up a drainage system. Police there are calling it a 'sewer-side' bombing..

[Seafood]

I was having second thoughts about jumping off the building until somebody shouted, "Think of your wife and kids".

[Seafood]

I knew it was going to be one of those days today..

I went to a funeral earlier and caught the wreath.

[koolkat]

“I always keep a supply of liquor handy in case I see a snake - which I also keep handy.”  (W C Fields)

[koolkat]

Dean Martin's Definition of Drunkenness:  You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

[koolkat]

Stupid mistakes are what the others make.  What we make are unavoidable errors.

[Seafood]

Do bin men get formal training? Or do they pick it up as they go along?

[Seafood]

I read in the news today that a man in Los Angeles was killed when he got caught up in a turf war.
I wonder if he was mowed down?

[koolkat]

WARNING: Ad-blockers make you unattractive to women. I just installed one and now all the horny singles in my area have suddenly lost interest.

[Seafood]

Why don't people who cook using a slow cooker just use their normal cooker and turn it down a bit?

[Seafood]

I've often wanted to drown my troubles,
But my wife won't go swimming!

[Seafood]

How did the bloke who made the first clock, know what time it was?

[Seafood]

I dreamt I was a car but when I woke I only had the horn.

 

[Seafood]

I went to the butcher's the other day and I bet him 50 bucks that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, "No, the steaks are too high."

[Seafood]

'How come every time you ring a wrong number it's never engaged?'

[Seafood]

People are always saying they want a white Christmas...
Why? Nowadays there are snowflakes everywhere all year round!!..

[Seafood]

My wife is exhausted after the hot steamy action she just had,
Still! at least now the ironing basket is empty!!..

[Seafood]

When me and the wife got divorced, we split the house,
I got the outside!

[Seafood]

Why are there never any side effects?
I'd love to read my tablets packaging & see "May cause extreme sexiness!