Seafood Posted June 29, 2023 #676 Posted June 29, 2023 I hit my wife in the face with a newspaper and she woke up. "What the hell?" she asked, in a state of shock. "There was a spider on your face," I exclaimed. She said,.... "That's the sixth day in a row..."
Seafood Posted June 30, 2023 #677 Posted June 30, 2023 I had to bury my mother in law today and I must admit it was quite a shocking experience...... "I didn't expect her to scream for as long as she did"......!!!
Seafood Posted July 1, 2023 #678 Posted July 1, 2023 Just had my 6th driving lesson.. Sure I'm getting ripped off.. He said "well done Tony next week you can sit in the front ."
Seafood Posted July 2, 2023 #679 Posted July 2, 2023 My water bed is much bouncier now that I’ve filled it with spring water.
Seafood Posted July 3, 2023 #680 Posted July 3, 2023 My dear old mum died of Covid. One day, she was having a coughin' fit....the next, she was having a coffin fit!
Seafood Posted July 4, 2023 #681 Posted July 4, 2023 My wife apologised for the first time ever today She said, she's sorry she ever married me
Seafood Posted July 5, 2023 #682 Posted July 5, 2023 At 12pm yesterday I finally plucked up the courage to phone Gamblers Anonymous. They told me to phone back at 20/1.
Seafood Posted July 6, 2023 #683 Posted July 6, 2023 My grandad died in a concentration camp. ... he fell out of a machine gun tower.
Seafood Posted July 7, 2023 #684 Posted July 7, 2023 We live in a world where losing your phone is more dramatic, Than losing your virginity.
Seafood Posted July 8, 2023 #685 Posted July 8, 2023 Mother in law has just been diagnosed with diabetes and hay fever, So I bought her some flowers and chocolates to cheer her up.
Seafood Posted July 9, 2023 #686 Posted July 9, 2023 I feel like I should clean the house, so I'm going to lay down and have a nap until that feeling passes.
Seafood Posted July 10, 2023 #687 Posted July 10, 2023 That moment when you look around at all the stuff that needs to be done & feel so overwhelmed that you sit down & leisurely scroll through your phone instead.
Seafood Posted July 11, 2023 #688 Posted July 11, 2023 There is no homophobia in English and Welsh cricket. If anyone suggests otherwise they must be batting in the wrong crease.
Seafood Posted July 12, 2023 #689 Posted July 12, 2023 I bumped into 70's popstar Gilbert O'Sullivan in the bank this morning and asked him what he was there for? He replied "a loan again,naturally!
Seafood Posted July 13, 2023 #690 Posted July 13, 2023 I don't see why we should have to pay to go on the bus when the drivers going that way anyway!
Seafood Posted July 14, 2023 #691 Posted July 14, 2023 I was asked today about gift ideas for a very Large Family?, I suggested Slimming World vouchers!.
Seafood Posted July 15, 2023 #692 Posted July 15, 2023 Bad news. I broke up with some girl called Lorraine, bc i was seeing another girl called Claire Lee. The good thing is, that I can see Claire Lee now, that Lorraine is gone
Seafood Posted July 16, 2023 #693 Posted July 16, 2023 WEATHER ALERT Basically if you haven't been fried alive by Tuesday its going to piss it down on Wednesday so you might drown instead
Seafood Posted July 17, 2023 #694 Posted July 17, 2023 As I walked into the Kleptomania Clinic, I saw a sign saying "Please take a seat." There weren't any.
Seafood Posted July 18, 2023 #695 Posted July 18, 2023 My liquid diet is going really well, After 6 glasses of wine I don't care what I look like.
Seafood Posted July 19, 2023 #696 Posted July 19, 2023 My wallet is like an onion. When I open it, I cry.
Seafood Posted July 20, 2023 #697 Posted July 20, 2023 Did you know that if you insert your left index finger up your right nostril You can't pronounce the word gullible?
Seafood Posted July 21, 2023 #698 Posted July 21, 2023 Was at an AA meeting last week. The first thing they said was to stop being with other alcoholics,...So I got up and walked out.
Seafood Posted July 22, 2023 #699 Posted July 22, 2023 My Grandad only had one leg, but still managed to work 40 years in a brewery. He was in charge of the hops.
Seafood Posted July 23, 2023 #700 Posted July 23, 2023 To be fair, we only think music sounded best on vinyl 'cos the bands were much better back then..
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