Seafood Posted January 17, 2023 #526 Posted January 17, 2023 I am proud to announce I have completed the first item on my bucket list . . . I have the bucket
Seafood Posted January 18, 2023 #527 Posted January 18, 2023 Just arrived at my speed awareness course, an hour early!
Seafood Posted January 19, 2023 #528 Posted January 19, 2023 my missus is a real good looker.....no matter where i hide me money,she always finds it....
Seafood Posted January 20, 2023 #529 Posted January 20, 2023 My Uncle is an alcoholic. We call him the Exorcist. Every time he visits, he rids the house of spirits.
Seafood Posted January 21, 2023 #530 Posted January 21, 2023 I haven’t spoken to my Mother-in-law for over 3 years as I didn’t want to interrupt her!
Seafood Posted January 22, 2023 #531 Posted January 22, 2023 Absolutely mental last night, I had 3 E's and LSD.......................Worst start to a game of Scrabble ever.!!!!
Seafood Posted January 23, 2023 #532 Posted January 23, 2023 I sent my pictures to the Lonely Hearts Club. They sent it back, saying they weren't that lonely.
Seafood Posted January 24, 2023 #533 Posted January 24, 2023 I love watching women's heavyweight boxing. It's hilarious to see them fight back the tears when the announcer tells everyone their weight.
Seafood Posted January 25, 2023 #534 Posted January 25, 2023 My wife is leaving me because she thinks I'm obsessed with astronomy... What planet is she on?
Seafood Posted January 26, 2023 #535 Posted January 26, 2023 I'm sorry to hear your uncle was run over by a boat in Venice. My gondolences.
Seafood Posted January 27, 2023 #536 Posted January 27, 2023 I phoned Dominoes pizza, a lad called Karl answered: "How can I help you?".. I said: "Take a guess Karl, you got a radiator cap for a 1980 Cortina?...."
Seafood Posted January 28, 2023 #537 Posted January 28, 2023 All my mates are commenting how well i look after i managed to get rid of 12 stone of useless fat. I can see them a lot more now i am single !!
Seafood Posted January 29, 2023 #538 Posted January 29, 2023 My wife said she's had enough of me because I always get my directions mixed up.. So I just packed my bags and right...
Seafood Posted January 30, 2023 #539 Posted January 30, 2023 My new girlfriend is a bin lady. The problem is, I can't remember if I'm supposed to take her out Wednesday or Thursday!
Seafood Posted January 31, 2023 #540 Posted January 31, 2023 My mum always used to say "Give your food a rinse before you eat it." Lovely woman. Terrible sandwiches.
Seafood Posted February 1, 2023 #541 Posted February 1, 2023 I tell myself I should cut down on my drinking. Then I realize I'm nowhere near drunk enough to be having this conversation with myself
Seafood Posted February 2, 2023 #542 Posted February 2, 2023 I'm sitting peacefully, trying to relax and enjoy a nice bottle of wine when my wife accuses me off going back on my word. "You said it was dry January!" she snaps. This is dry. It's a Sauvignon Blanc.
Seafood Posted February 3, 2023 #543 Posted February 3, 2023 I'm not saying that my wife is simple, but she thinks Iran is a new treadmill machine by Apple.
Seafood Posted February 4, 2023 #544 Posted February 4, 2023 6 dwarves gate crashed my bachelor's party. Not Happy! 1
Seafood Posted February 5, 2023 #545 Posted February 5, 2023 Dirty Derek, the local flasher was thinking about retiring . . . but he's decided to stick it out for another year
Seafood Posted February 6, 2023 #546 Posted February 6, 2023 I got knocked over by a cyclist today. It was my own fault though, I was walking on the pavement.
Seafood Posted February 7, 2023 #547 Posted February 7, 2023 Some fella thinks that me & the wife live in a lighthouse i keep getting calls asking if the coast is clear
Seafood Posted February 8, 2023 #548 Posted February 8, 2023 My relationship with a homeless women is getting serious. I'm moving out with her.
Seafood Posted February 9, 2023 #549 Posted February 9, 2023 I suffer from kleptomania. When it gets really bad I take something for it.
Seafood Posted February 10, 2023 #550 Posted February 10, 2023 Blew my chances of getting a job at my local police station by answering 'No Comment' to every question at my interview.
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