Seafood Posted November 25, 2022 Share #476 Posted November 25, 2022 I’ve just found out Steffi Graf had a sister named Polly. I’m not lying either! Link to comment
Seafood Posted November 26, 2022 Share #477 Posted November 26, 2022 Homosexuality was classified as an illness in Sweden up until 1979. So presumably you could call in sick on a Monday, saying you felt gay. Link to comment
Seafood Posted November 27, 2022 Share #478 Posted November 27, 2022 I crossed a Crocodile with a Budgie,, It bit me leg off,and said,,,Who,s a naughty boy, Link to comment
Seafood Posted November 28, 2022 Share #479 Posted November 28, 2022 I just asked the doctor if she could give me anything for hiccups. She gave me a repeat prescription. Link to comment
Seafood Posted November 29, 2022 Share #480 Posted November 29, 2022 I ordered some stuff online yesterday and I used my Donor Card instead of my Debit Card. Cost me an arm and a leg. Link to comment
Seafood Posted November 30, 2022 Share #481 Posted November 30, 2022 Paused a movie to make a cup of tea. I've now lost my job at the cinema. Link to comment
Seafood Posted December 1, 2022 Share #482 Posted December 1, 2022 The vicar was showing a little old lady his parrot. "He's a very intelligent bird, and a pious one at that. If you pull on his left leg, he'll recite the Lord's Prayer. If you pull on his right leg, he'll recite the 23rd Psalm." Then the lady asked, "What happens if you pull both of his legs?" To which the parrot replied, "I fall off my bloody perch, stupid!" Link to comment
Seafood Posted December 2, 2022 Share #483 Posted December 2, 2022 Apparently when filling out forms you do not write "Yes Please!" in the box marked "Sex".. Link to comment
Seafood Posted December 3, 2022 Share #484 Posted December 3, 2022 My friend lost his ear in an accident and had to have a pigs ear transplanted on. I asked him if it was working ok…. He said, “It’s fine apart from a bit of crackling!” Link to comment
Seafood Posted December 4, 2022 Share #485 Posted December 4, 2022 Please Help, How long do I listen to my friend moaning about his stolen mobile phone, Before I ask him for his charger. Link to comment
Seafood Posted December 5, 2022 Share #486 Posted December 5, 2022 Lying in bed listening to the Doors. I really should oil the hinges Link to comment
Seafood Posted December 6, 2022 Share #487 Posted December 6, 2022 My grandson made the mistake of telling me i was over dramatic so i just changed the WIFI password. We'll see who's over dramatic in about 5 minutes! Link to comment
Seafood Posted December 7, 2022 Share #488 Posted December 7, 2022 Marrying a woman for her good looks. Is like buying a house for its wallpaper. Link to comment
Seafood Posted December 8, 2022 Share #489 Posted December 8, 2022 On Monday we start Diarrhoea Awareness Week. Runs until Friday. Link to comment
Seafood Posted December 9, 2022 Share #490 Posted December 9, 2022 Old age comes at a very bad time...When you finally know everything, you start to forget everything you know. Link to comment
Seafood Posted December 10, 2022 Share #491 Posted December 10, 2022 Marrying a woman for her good looks. Is like buying a house for its wallpaper... 1 Link to comment
Seafood Posted December 11, 2022 Share #492 Posted December 11, 2022 The wedding was so beautiful that even the cake was in tiers. Link to comment
Seafood Posted December 12, 2022 Share #493 Posted December 12, 2022 As a Pink Floyd fan nothing infuriates me more than seeing a Vegan eating pudding Link to comment
Seafood Posted December 13, 2022 Share #494 Posted December 13, 2022 It took me 20 minutes to scrape the global warming off my car's windows at 7 this morning!!.. Link to comment
Seafood Posted December 14, 2022 Share #495 Posted December 14, 2022 When I was a kid I asked my sister what a couple was and she said "Oh, two or three"..And she wonders why her marriage didn't work. Link to comment
Seafood Posted December 15, 2022 Share #496 Posted December 15, 2022 Last night i reached for my liquid viagra and accidentally swigged from a bottle of tippex. I woke up with a huge correction!! Link to comment
Seafood Posted December 16, 2022 Share #497 Posted December 16, 2022 "So this is Christmas and what have you done?" The opening lyric to a John Lennon song, or the wife about to start an argument! Link to comment
Seafood Posted December 17, 2022 Share #498 Posted December 17, 2022 When the wife ask's " What's the best way to stop the stairs creaking" Do not answer " Slimming World! Link to comment
Seafood Posted December 21, 2022 Share #499 Posted December 21, 2022 “Hi my name is Kevin. I'm a husband and it's been 43 years since my last decision...!" Link to comment
Seafood Posted December 22, 2022 Share #500 Posted December 22, 2022 Forget the past-you cant change it Forget the future you cant predict it Forget the present-i didnt get you one Link to comment
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