Seafood Posted October 3, 2022 #426 Posted October 3, 2022 After divorcing from my 20 year marriage, I started dating again and was soon using muscles I'd forgotten I had, Mainly when I laughed.
Seafood Posted October 4, 2022 #427 Posted October 4, 2022 My doctor said that I really need to go on a diet. I don't think I will, though. I just have too much on my plate right now.
Seafood Posted October 5, 2022 #428 Posted October 5, 2022 I told my work mates I would give $1 to charity every time I swore. I'm now in the bank trying to get a loan.
Seafood Posted October 6, 2022 #429 Posted October 6, 2022 Convince people you’re in Riverdance by gluing your wrists to your waist and trying to flick dog sh*t off your shoes!
Seafood Posted October 7, 2022 #430 Posted October 7, 2022 Why do Parents spend 2yrs teaching their children to walk & talk? Then the next 16yrs telling them to sit down and shut up.
Seafood Posted October 8, 2022 #431 Posted October 8, 2022 The only thing I take seriously in newspapers is fish and chips….
Seafood Posted October 9, 2022 #432 Posted October 9, 2022 Nothing worse than meeting someone in the supermarket, having a good old chat ,saying goodbye and then bumping into them in every aisle!
Seafood Posted October 10, 2022 #433 Posted October 10, 2022 I don't like to brag about my wealth, but today, I had the heating on for the first time in ages!!
Seafood Posted October 11, 2022 #434 Posted October 11, 2022 My five year old son said he wanted a tree house in the back garden. Twenty years growing a tree and now he doesn't want it anymore.
Seafood Posted October 12, 2022 #435 Posted October 12, 2022 Save money on utilities bills by booking into the penthouse at the Ritz Hotel London for 6 months!!.
Seafood Posted October 13, 2022 #436 Posted October 13, 2022 Went to get something up high in the garage..had to use my step-ladder; because my real ladder left when i was 14
Seafood Posted October 14, 2022 #437 Posted October 14, 2022 There's plenty of fish in the sea, but until I catch one, I'm stuck here just holding my rod.
Seafood Posted October 15, 2022 #438 Posted October 15, 2022 was sitting in the pub last night when I began to think.... "You know if it wasn't for my dear old grandma, I wouldn't be here today"... i took her mobility scooter because the buses were on strike..
Seafood Posted October 16, 2022 #439 Posted October 16, 2022 I ordered a chicken and an egg off of Amazon. I’ll let you know.
Seafood Posted October 17, 2022 #440 Posted October 17, 2022 Halfway through my Indian meal last night the waiter came up to me and asked, "Curry OK?" I said "Maybe, what songs do you have?"
Seafood Posted October 18, 2022 #441 Posted October 18, 2022 The inventor of the water jug died today... Tributes have been pouring in!
Seafood Posted October 19, 2022 #442 Posted October 19, 2022 Famous last words by General Custer when he was surrounded by Indians.He turned to his seargent and said,,,,"I can,t understand it just an hour ago they where all Singin and Dancin,,,,
Seafood Posted October 20, 2022 #443 Posted October 20, 2022 I popped down to my local for "Happy Hour". The other 23 are spent with my wife!!
Seafood Posted October 21, 2022 #444 Posted October 21, 2022 Thinking I may open a coffee shop in the lobby of a local church. I would call it "Holy Grounds".
Seafood Posted October 22, 2022 #445 Posted October 22, 2022 Woman next door just said When the doctor told me that he'd messed up my operation, my heart was in my mouth.
Seafood Posted October 23, 2022 #446 Posted October 23, 2022 My therapist told me that a great way to let go of your anger is to write letters to people you hate and burn them... I did that, and feel much better, but I am wondering, do I keep the letters?
Seafood Posted October 24, 2022 #447 Posted October 24, 2022 Stop naming your kids Paris and London, when they look more like Portsmouth and Beirut!
Seafood Posted October 25, 2022 #448 Posted October 25, 2022 10 Downing Street will now be open for business 7am - 11pm, 7 days a week including Christmas Day!!
Seafood Posted October 26, 2022 #449 Posted October 26, 2022 Just to be clear.. I have not been sacked from the egg factory. I've been laid off!
Seafood Posted October 27, 2022 #450 Posted October 27, 2022 Welcome to middle age. No one tells you that rigor mortis starts while you’re still alive.
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