Seafood Posted July 16, 2022 Share #351 Posted July 16, 2022 I'm so glad it's not snowing!. Imagine shovelling snow in this heat! Link to comment
Seafood Posted July 17, 2022 Share #352 Posted July 17, 2022 My wife said, "Did you eat my chocolate eclair in the fridge?" I said, "No, I ate it in the living room." Link to comment
Seafood Posted July 18, 2022 Share #353 Posted July 18, 2022 Phoned my boss and asked him if I could work from home. Don't be silly mate, you're a bus driver!!" Link to comment
Seafood Posted July 19, 2022 Share #354 Posted July 19, 2022 When the painter who had worn a jacket felt the cold, he added another coat. Link to comment
Seafood Posted July 20, 2022 Share #355 Posted July 20, 2022 From 6 o'clock last night till 6 this morning the old lady next door played the same Lionel Richie song over and over i wouldn't mind but it was All night long. Link to comment
Seafood Posted July 21, 2022 Share #356 Posted July 21, 2022 Bought a slow cooker from Amazon 24hr delivery, still not here after 8 weeks! Link to comment
Seafood Posted July 22, 2022 Share #357 Posted July 22, 2022 SON : "Dad , I've got a part in the school play, I play a man who's been married for 25 years." DAD : "Maybe next time you'll get a speaking part ." Link to comment
Seafood Posted July 23, 2022 Share #358 Posted July 23, 2022 I've just dropped my cat in an ice cream maker!.. Who want's a McFluffy? Link to comment
Seafood Posted July 25, 2022 Share #359 Posted July 25, 2022 Principal : Your child always cause trouble in school... Me : My child causes trouble at home, do I ever call you? Link to comment
Seafood Posted July 26, 2022 Share #360 Posted July 26, 2022 I normally have just one beer when I'm bored... Yesterday I was bored 12 times!!.. Link to comment
Seafood Posted July 27, 2022 Share #361 Posted July 27, 2022 How can you face your problem! If your problem is your face? Link to comment
Seafood Posted July 28, 2022 Share #362 Posted July 28, 2022 I dislike people that back into parking spots! Bloody attention seekers! Link to comment
Seafood Posted July 29, 2022 Share #363 Posted July 29, 2022 Another lovely hot day!.. I'm sweating like the crew on an Alec Baldwin film set! Link to comment
Seafood Posted July 30, 2022 Share #364 Posted July 30, 2022 I was just on a diabetes information website. It asked if I would accept cookies. Is that a trick question? Link to comment
Seafood Posted July 31, 2022 Share #365 Posted July 31, 2022 I asked my friend when his birthday was. He said ”March 1st” I stood up and walked round the room and then asked again!! Link to comment
Seafood Posted August 1, 2022 Share #366 Posted August 1, 2022 I've just put my Rottweiler on a vegan diet. So far I've fed him 4 of the bastards! Link to comment
Seafood Posted August 2, 2022 Share #367 Posted August 2, 2022 Watching soaps is so boring.. There's only so long you can look at a bar of imperial leather! Link to comment
Seafood Posted August 3, 2022 Share #368 Posted August 3, 2022 £10 fine for not showing up for your GP appointment. To be honest if you even get an appointment it feels like you've won the lottery... Link to comment
Seafood Posted August 4, 2022 Share #369 Posted August 4, 2022 When there's a knock on the door ,why does the dog always think it's for him?. Link to comment
Seafood Posted August 5, 2022 Share #370 Posted August 5, 2022 What a rip off, £30 quid to see a Queen tribute and it was 2 hours of an old woman in a crown waving out a car window Link to comment
Seafood Posted August 6, 2022 Share #371 Posted August 6, 2022 I used to work at at an orange juice factory, but I got canned. I couldn't concentrate. Link to comment
Seafood Posted August 7, 2022 Share #372 Posted August 7, 2022 My mate always said "Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me". Until he fell into a printing press Link to comment
Seafood Posted August 8, 2022 Share #373 Posted August 8, 2022 My dyslexic mate always wanted to be a barrister, and now he's finally achieved his dream. He's got a job pouring coffee in Starbucks Link to comment
Seafood Posted August 9, 2022 Share #374 Posted August 9, 2022 Yorkshire Constabulary have had all of their maps stolen this morning... A police spokesperson said that they are searching for Leeds... Link to comment
Seafood Posted August 10, 2022 Share #375 Posted August 10, 2022 I accidentally sprayed WD40 on my neck instead of sun spray. Burnt to a crisp but I can swivel my head like an owl!! Link to comment
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