Koolkat’s Quips - funny One-Liners

[MMT]

Just bought a tin of molasses. 

Wonder what they do with the rest of the mole?

[MMT]

My girlfriend and I share the same sense of humour. 

 

We have to. She doesn't have one.

[Seafood]

Why don't they cut down on Lollipop men and women by moving the school to the other side of the road

[MMT]

Did you ever notice that there are no recipes for leftover chocolate.

[Seafood]

Never let anyone put you down. Look at Beethoven, because he was deaf they said he'd never be a musician, but did he listen?

[MMT]

Just hired a stunning 20-year-old woman to look after the baby.

 

Does anyone know where I can get a baby sometime today?

[MMT]

I almost stopped drinking

But then I thought about all the people who work for breweries in order too feed their families.

[Seafood]

My wife and I have different ideas on death. I want to be cremated when I die and she wants to cremate me now.

[MMT]

Vampires aren't real.

 

Unless you Count Dracula.

[MMT]

The delivery guy asked me the time.

I said ;"anytime between 8:30 and 5:30."

[MMT]

If a man speaks in the forest and there is no woman to hear him, is he still wrong?

[Seafood]

Why does my phone's predictive text always suggest "Boris" every time I type the word "twat"?

[MMT]

Deserts are dry.

Arid it somewhere.

[MMT]

I can only think of a few Motown groups. Three, maybe four tops.

[Seafood]

I'm writing a book about all the things I should be doing. It's my 'oughtobiography.'

[MMT]

They don't make time machines like they are going to any more.

[MMT]

You can't laugh out loud in Hawaii - but you are allowed a low ha.

[Seafood]

Just found out my brother is a mime artist.

He kept that fooking quiet.!!

[MMT]

I woke up with rice in my hair, ears and nose. Funny because I slept well, and went to sleep as soon as my head hit the pilau.

[Seafood]

I've just finished reading the Kama Sutra.....and I have to say its left me in a very awkward position !!!

 

 

[MMT]

My career as a gold prospector didn't pan out.

[MMT]

I found my grandfather's wig making machine in the attic. It's a family hair loom.

[MMT]

I asked my wife what women really wanted. She said 'attentive lovers'. Or ' a tent of lovers', or something. I wasn't really listening.

Edited April 26, 2022 by MMT

[Seafood]

Today is national stalking awareness day..
Sort of crept up on me!!

[MMT]

I once won a lifetime's supply of spam but I frittered it away.