Seafood Posted November 21, 2021 Share #76 Posted November 21, 2021 I'M NOT CONVINCED OF THE POPULARITY OF ADVENT CALENDARS... I THINK THEIR DAYS ARE NUMBERED! 1 Link to comment
Seafood Posted November 29, 2021 Share #77 Posted November 29, 2021 I went to the doctors yesterday and I asked my GP, "what's the best cure for double vision?" He turned to me and smiled, "Shut one eye." 1 Link to comment
Seafood Posted November 30, 2021 Share #78 Posted November 30, 2021 Roses are red, violets are pricey, Free flowers from a accident black spot? That do nicely!! Link to comment
Seafood Posted December 1, 2021 Share #79 Posted December 1, 2021 You don't see faith healers healing the sick in hospitals for the same reason you never hear about Psychics winning the lottery.. 1 Link to comment
Seafood Posted December 11, 2021 Share #80 Posted December 11, 2021 If you're British going into the bathroom, and British coming out of the bathroom, what are you in the bathroom. .....European. Link to comment
Seafood Posted December 16, 2021 Share #81 Posted December 16, 2021 My extra sensitive toothpaste doesn't like it when I use other toothpastes. Link to comment
Seafood Posted December 17, 2021 Share #82 Posted December 17, 2021 You know you’re in a cheap motel when you call the desk “I gotta leak in the sink “ and they say “go ahead” Link to comment
Seafood Posted December 18, 2021 Share #83 Posted December 18, 2021 Just been given some really bad news My best mate just drank a whole bottle of invisible ink .. He's currently in A + E waiting to be seen!!. Link to comment
Seafood Posted December 19, 2021 Share #84 Posted December 19, 2021 Petrol prices hit an all-time low today, I drove off without paying. Link to comment
Seafood Posted December 20, 2021 Share #85 Posted December 20, 2021 Why did they call it the Covid road map and not the road to demask us? 1 Link to comment
Seafood Posted December 21, 2021 Share #86 Posted December 21, 2021 Trading Standards have warned consumers that fake vodka can kill them. As opposed to the perfectly healthy normal vodka. Link to comment
Seafood Posted December 28, 2021 Share #87 Posted December 28, 2021 If you want a quick test result, Go and watch an England v Australia cricket match!!.. Link to comment
Seafood Posted December 31, 2021 Share #88 Posted December 31, 2021 Drinking at home instead of the pub isn't working out? I almost asked my wife for her phone number!!.. Link to comment
Seafood Posted January 2, 2022 Share #89 Posted January 2, 2022 Dry January is dragging on a bit!!.. Link to comment
Seafood Posted January 3, 2022 Share #90 Posted January 3, 2022 Word of advice: Never do a runner from a Kenyan restaurant! Link to comment
Seafood Posted January 7, 2022 Share #91 Posted January 7, 2022 I brought a tin of evaporated milk opened it it was empty Link to comment
Seafood Posted January 9, 2022 Share #92 Posted January 9, 2022 A blind man passes a Fishmongers and says "evening ladies!" Link to comment
Seafood Posted January 9, 2022 Share #93 Posted January 9, 2022 Been put down for a BRAVERY AWARD.. Just answered the wife back! Link to comment
MMT Posted January 12, 2022 Share #94 Posted January 12, 2022 When I was a lad everybody in our street had head lice. We really were a close nit community. Link to comment
MMT Posted January 12, 2022 Share #95 Posted January 12, 2022 Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it the most never use it. 1 Link to comment
MMT Posted January 12, 2022 Share #96 Posted January 12, 2022 Most people write Congrats on a tweet because they don't know how to spell congratjulashuns. 1 Link to comment
MMT Posted January 12, 2022 Share #97 Posted January 12, 2022 My wife didn't order anything on Amazon yesterday so the UPS driver knocked on our door to see if we were OK. 1 Link to comment
Seafood Posted January 13, 2022 Share #98 Posted January 13, 2022 I went to see a dentist with a rotten tooth. "You should get that fixed mate," I said, "Doesn't exactly inspire confidence." Link to comment
Seafood Posted January 13, 2022 Share #99 Posted January 13, 2022 The big difference between men and women? Women want one man to do many things. Men want many women to do one thing. 1 Link to comment
Seafood Posted January 13, 2022 Share #100 Posted January 13, 2022 After being diagnosed with a multiple personality disorder, I phoned my boss to tell him I'd need time off. "You're self-employed, you stupid b*st*rd," I said. Link to comment
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