Womanly Truisms

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Womanly Truisms

1. Blessed are those who hunger and thirst, for they are sticking to their diet.
2. Life is an endless struggle full of frustrations and challenges, but eventually you find a hair stylist you like.
3. Perhaps you know why women over sixty don’t have babies. They would put them down somewhere and forget where they left them.
4. One of life’s mysteries is how a two-pound box of candy can make a woman gain five pounds.
5. I finally got my head together and my body fell apart.
6. The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing in the right place, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.
7. Time may be a great healer but it’s also a lousy beautician.
8. Brain cells come and go but fat cells live forever.
9. Life not only begins at forty, it begins to show.
10. Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today.
11. If at first you don’t succeed, see if the loser gets anything.
12. You don’t stop laughing because you grow old; you grow old because you stop laughing.
13. I had to give up jogging for my health. My thighs kept rubbing together and setting my pantyhose on fire.
14. Amazing! You just hang something in your closet for a while and it shrinks two sizes.
15. It is bad to suppress laughter; it goes back down and spreads to your hips.
16. Age is important only if you’re cheese and wine.
17. The only time a woman wishes that she were a year older is when she is expecting a baby.
18. Freedom of the press means no-iron clothes.
19. Inside some of us is a thin person struggling to get out, but she can usually be sedated with a few pieces of chocolate cake.