England Covid-19 Rules Explained

[BamSec1]

England Covid-19 Rules Explained

[Breaking news]

Whoever wrote this, deserves a medal, simply superb and very well thought out.

1. It won't infect people at a wedding... unless there's more than fifteen people. But it also won't infect anyone at a funeral, as long as there's no more than thirty people. So not only can the virus count, it can also differentiate between a wedding and a funeral.

2. It does spread in pubs, but only after 10 pm and not before. It also only infects if you're in a group of more than six... but not at weddings or funerals, obviously.

3. Masks do work, that's why people will be fined for not wearing them... but not in pubs, because as already discovered, the virus doesn't infect pub goers until after 10 pm.

4. Cinemas, gyms, etc are also immune from the virus cos the virus can't afford cinema tickets or gym memberships.

5. Schools where kids gather in large groups are also immune as the virus doesn't like learning... but those same large groups of kids can't meet up outside of school cos that's when the virus will get them as it waits outside the school gates.

6. The elderly should be isolated and protected from the virus... unless they're needed to babysit. So grandparents can't see their grandkids socially as it's not safe, but can babysit them cos the virus knows the difference between wanting to see grandkids because you love and miss them (which the virus hates) and having to see your grandkids out of obligation (which the virus is fine with).

7. The virus will definitely get at you at home too if you meet up with family and friends in a controlled environment, but not in a pub where you can meet up with those same family and friends in an environment you can't control with many other strangers... well at least up to 10 pm anyway.

8. The virus also sticks to specific postcodes, this is why some areas have stricter rules than others.

9. Oh, and grouse hunting is perfectly fine in large groups regardless of any rules.

I hope the rules are now crystal clear