Headstone Humour

[uk666]

Headstone Humour 

Here Lies:

Here lies Johnny Yeast
pardon me for not rising.

Here lies the body
of Jonathan Blake
stepped on the gas
instead of the brake.

Here lays Butch,
we planted him raw.
He was quick on the trigger,
but slow on the draw.

I was somebody.
Who, is no business
of yours.

Here lies Lester Moore
four slugs from a .44
no Les No More.

Reader if cash thou art
in want of any
dig 4 feet deep
and thou wilt find a Penny.

She always said her feet 
were killing her but 
nobody believed her.

On the 22nd of June
– Jonathan Fiddle –
Went out of tune.

Gone away owin’ 
more than he could pay.

In Memory of Beza Wood
departed this life
Nov. 2, 1837
aged 45 yrs.
Here lies one Wood
enclosed in Wood
one Wood
Within another.
The outer wood
is very good:
we cannot praise
the other.
Who was fatally burned
March 21, 1870
by the explosion of a lamp
filled with “R.E. Danforth’s
Non-Explosive Burning Fluid”

Born 1903 – Died 1942
Looked up the elevator shaft to see if
the car was on the way down.
It was.

Remember man, as you walk by,
as you are now, so once was I,
as I am now, so shall you be,
remember this and follow me.

– To which someone replied by writing on the tombstone:
To follow you I’ll not consent,
until I know which way you went.

Here lies Ezekial Aikle
Age 102
The Good Die Young.

The children of Israel wanted bread
and the Lord sent them manna,
old clerk Wallace wanted a wife,
and the Devil sent him Anna.

Here lies an Atheist
all dressed up
and no place to go.

Here lies good old Fred
A great big rock fell on his head.

Here lies the miser John Skinner 
who died at noon to save a dinner.

Here lies Dentist Brown 
filling his last cavity.

Winston Churchill (1874-1965)…….who declares in his epithet:

I am ready to meet my Maker,
whether my Maker is prepared 
for the great ordeal of 
meeting me is another matter!