The Hierarchy of the Academic World

[uk666]

The Hierarchy of the Academic World

THE DEAN:

• Leaps tall building in a single bound.
• Is more powerful than a locomotive.
• Is faster than a speeding bullet.
• Walks on water.
• Gives policy to God.

DEPT. HEAD:

• Leaps short buildings in a single bound.
• Is more powerful than a switch engine.
• Is just as fast as a speeding bullet.
• Walks on water if the sea is calm.
• Talks with God.

PROFESSOR:

• Leaps short buildings with a running start and favourable winds.
• Is almost as powerful as a switch engine.
• Is faster than a speeding BB.
• Walks on water in an indoor swimming pool.
• Talks with God if special request is approved.

ASSOCIATE PROFESSOR:

• Makes high marks on the wall when trying to leap buildings.
• Is run over by locomotive.
• Can sometimes handle a gun without inflicting self-injury.
• Dog paddles.
• Talks to animals.

INSTRUCTOR/ POSTDOC

• Climbs walls continually.
• Rides the rails .
• Plays Russian Roulette.
• Walks on thin ice.
• Prays a lot.

GRAD STUDENT:

• Runs into buildings.
• Recognizes locomotive two out of three times.
• Is not issued ammunition.
• Can't stay afloat with a life preserver.
• Talks to walls.

UNDERGRAD:

• Falls over doorsteps when trying to enter building.
• Says "look at the choo-choo".
• Wets himself with a water pistol.
• Plays in mud puddles.
• Mumbles to himself.

DEPT. SECRETARY:

• Lifts buildings and walks under them.
• Kicks locomotives off the tracks.
• Catches speeding bullets in her teeth.
• Freezes water with a single glance.
• She is God.

[bluescope]

Right on, dude!