20 Reasons Not To Jog

[uk666]

20 Reasons Not To Jog

1. I put my socks on the wrong feet. They were not my feet.
2. My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 now & we don't know where the heck she is.
3. Running makes it difficult to multitask (text, read/write emails, check my Facebook status, make marketing list).
4. The camber on the road was too severe, so I felt I was at a velodrome and I am a really slow cyclist.
5. The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
6. I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks. Haven't lost a pound. Apparently, you have to show up.
7. Proverbs 28:1 says “The wicked run when no one is chasing them”
8. I have to exercise in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing.
9. The water at the aid station was the wrong kind. When I drink hard water, limescale quickly accumulates in my system and slows me down. Some call me a medical miracle. Some say other things.
10. I don't exercise at all. If God meant us to touch our toes, he would have put them further up our body.
11. I’ll start to sweat. I ask myself, “Is this worth having to wash and blow-dry this big head of hair?!” Never forget your hair.
12. I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
13. The woman running ahead of me had a swishy ponytail and I was transfixed by the movement. After a while, I began to make horsey noises (whinnying, clopping etc) and was beaten to a pulp.
14. I had a stone lodged in the groove of my shoe. It was quite big and heavy, which meant I had to drag one foot. Eventually, I was just running around like a compass describing a circle. I’m not sure how I got home. I’m very dizzy.
15. I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.
16. Have you ever seen a runner that looked like they were having ANY fun other than after they have finished.
17. The advantage of exercising every day is that you die healthier.
18. If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country.
19. I don't jog. It makes the ice jump right out of my glass.
20. I saw a sign that read “You’re nearly there!” but I wasn’t, so I stopped in protest. I will not be lied to.