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Boris Johnson


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Dublin, Ireland declares war on the UK!!!

Boris Johnson was in 10 Downing street Office when her telephone rang. "Hallo, Boris Johnson, " a heavily accented voice said. "This is Murphy, over ‘ere at the Harp Seal Pub in, Dublin, Ireland. I am calling' to tells ya dat we are officially declaring war on ya!"

"Well Murphy," Boris said, "This is indeed important news! How big is your army?"

"Right now," said Murphy, after a moment’s calculation "there is myself, my cousin Harold, my next-door-neighbour Mick, and the whole dart team from the pub. That makes eight!"

Boris paused. "I must tell you Murphy that I have one million men in my army waiting to move on my command."

"Wow," said Murphy. "I'll have at call ya back!"

Sure enough, the next day, Murphy called again. "Mr Johnson, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment! We have two combines, a bulldozer, and Harry 's farm tractor."

Boris sighed. "I must tell you Murphy, that I have 16,000 tanks and 14,000 armoured personnel carriers. Also, I've increased my army to one and a half million since we last spoke."

"Lord above," said Murphy, "I'll be getting back to you."

Sure enough, Murphy rang again the next day. "Mr Johnson, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We up and' modified Harrigan's ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four boys from the Legion have joined us as well!"

Boris was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. "I must tell you Murphy that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter planes. My military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I've increased my army to TWO MILLION!"

"Jumping, Lord tunderin! Two million, ye say!!" said Murphy, " I’ll have at call you back."

Sure enough, Murphy called again the next day. "Mr Johnson! I am sorry to have to tell you dat we have had to call off dis 'ere war."

"I'm sorry to hear that" said Boris. "Why the sudden change of heart?"

“Well, Mr Johnson," said Murphy, "we've all sat ourselves down and had a long chat over a bunch of pints, and come to realize dat dere's no way we can feed two million prisoners." ??

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