The sh*t List

[uk666]

The sh*t List

Ghost sh*t
You know you've done a sh*t. There's sh*t on the toilet paper, but none in the toilet.

Teflon sh*t
Comes out so slick, clean and easy that you don't even feel it. No trace of sh*t on the paper. You have to look in the toilet to make sure you did something.

Glue sh*t
This has the consistency of hot tar. You wipe your arse 12 times and it's still not clean. You end up putting toilet paper in your jocks so that you don't stain them. This kind of sh*t leaves permanent skid marks in the toilet.

Second Thought sh*t
You're all done wiping, and you're about to stand up when you realise....you've got more.

Pop A Vein In Your Head sh*t
The kind of sh*t that killed Elvis. It doesn't come out till you're all sweaty, trembling and purple from straining so hard.

Weight Watchers sh*t
You sh*t so much, you lose several kilos.

Right Now sh*t
You had better be within 30 seconds of a toilet. You burn rubber getting to the toilet. Usually it has its head out before you can get your pants down.

King Kong sh*t (or Choker)
This one is so big that you know it won't go down the toilet unless you break it into smaller chunks. A wire coat hanger works well. This kind of sh*t usually occurs at someone else's house.

Cork sh*t (or Floater)
Even after the third flush it's still floating in the bowl.

Wet Cheek sh*t (or Splashdown)
This sh*t hits the water sideways and makes a big splash that gets you all wet.

Wish sh*t
You sit there all cramped up in the foetal position and fart a few times, but no sh*t in sight. Sometimes called a political sh*t, since there's a lot of hot air and no result.

Brick sh*t
You wish you had a spinal anaesthetic before you attempted this one.

Snake sh*t
This sh*t is fairly soft, about as thick as your thumb and at least a metre long.

Beer and Pizza sh*t
This happens the day after the night before. Most of the time your sh*t doesn't smell so bad but this one is BAD... and usually this one happens at someone else's house, with someone waiting outside to come in next.

Ring of Fire sh*t (or Screamer)
The one that happens after you've eaten seriously hot, spicy food. You will know it's safe to eat again when your arse stops burning.