Motorway

[Seafood]

This morning on the motorway, I looked over to my left and there was a woman in a brand new Ford Focus doing 100mph, with her face up against the rear view mirror, putting on her eyeliner.

I looked away for a couple of seconds, and when I looked back she was halfway over in my lane, still putting on her eyeliner.

As a man, I don't scare easily, but she scared me so much that I dropped my electric shaver, which knocked my McMuffin out of my other hand.

In all the confusion of trying to straighten out the car, using my knees against the steering wheel, it knocked my mobile phone, which fell away from my ear into my coffee which was between my legs, splashed and burned big Jim and the twins, ruined the phone, soaked my trousers and disconnected an important call.

Feckin' women drivers!