20 funny Quotes Christmas

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20 funny Quotes Christmas

You'll be in stitches over these laugh-out-loud lines. Whether you think Christmas is the most wonderful time of the year or you're a bit more bah-humbug about it all, you have to agree that surviving the holiday season requires a small amount of patience and a big sense of humour.

1. A lovely thing about Christmas is that it’s compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together. ~ Garrison Keillor
2. There are 17 more shopping days until Christmas. So, guys, that means 16 more days till we start shopping, right? ~ Conan O’Brien
3. Christmas, that annual celebration of parental guilt and juvenile greed. ~ P.D. James
4. Christmas tree stands are the work of the devil, and they want you dead. ~ Bill Bryson
5. A perpetual holiday is a good working definition of hell. ~ George Bernard Shaw
6. We got so caught up in the little things of Christmas, like love and family, that we almost forgot that it's buying things that makes our economy thrive. ~ Diana Choksondik, South Park: A Very Crappy Christmas
7. They're a little weird. They don't believe in gifts or Christmas trees. And they think Santa's how Satan spells his name when he wants to trick us. ~ Ted Mosby, How I Met Your Mother
8. It's the most wonderful time of the year. Really? Is it the most wonderful? Have you been outside? Seen the crowds? The traffic? Ever go through security in the airport in December? I'll tell you one word that doesn't come to mind: wonderful. ~ Jim Gaffigan
9. Just been poisoned by my gran. Nothing says Christmas better than familicide and anaphylactic shock. ~ R.D. Ronald
10. I wrapped my Christmas presents early this year, but I used the wrong paper. See, the paper I used said ‘Happy Birthday’ on it. I didn’t want to waste it so I just wrote ‘Jesus’ on it. ~ Demetri Martin
11. Remember that the important thing is not what you give, or how you wrap it. The important thing, during this very special time of year, is that you save the receipt. ~ Dave Barry
12. My mother-in-law has come round to our house at Christmas seven years running. This year we're having a change. We're going to let her in. ~ Leslie Dawson, Jr.
13. I bought my brother some gift wrap for Christmas. I took it to the gift wrap department and told them to wrap it, but in a different print so he would know when to stop unwrapping. ~ Steven Wright
14. That’s what I love about the holiday season. That’s the true spirit of Christmas ~ people being helped by people other than me. ~ Jerry Seinfeld
15. Got all my Christmas shopping done. Now to shop for other people. ~ Conan O’Brien
16. What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day. ~ Phyllis Diller
17. I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, Toys not included. ~ Bernard Manning
18. The worst gift is fruitcake. There is only fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other. ~ Johnny Carson
19. The one thing women don’t want to find in their stockings on Christmas morning is their husband. ~ Joan Rivers
20. Once again, we come to the holiday season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice. ~ Dave Barry