Things That Hallmark Cards Don't Say - Rude

[uk666]

Things That Hallmark Cards Don't Say – Rude

I recently head one of my sisters saying:
"What is a birthday without a little money for your sisters?" 
Turn to open an empty card and read; "Now you know..."

My tire was thumping.
I thought it was flat
When I looked at the tire...
I noticed your cat.
Sorry!

Looking back over the years
that we've been together,
I can't help but wonder...
"What the [bleep] was I thinking?"

Congratulations on your wedding day!
Too bad no one likes your husband.
How could two people as beautiful as you
Have such an ugly baby?

Roses are red.
Violets are blue.
My ex had herpes.
Now so do you.

I've always wanted to have
someone to hold,
someone to love.
After having met you ...
I've changed my mind.

I must admit, 
you brought Religion into my life.
I never believed in [bleep] until I met you.

As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am...
That you're not here to ruin it for me.

Congratulations on your promotion.
Before you go...
Would you like to take this knife out of my back?
You'll probably need it again.

Happy birthday! You look great for your age.
Almost Lifelike!

When we were together,
you always said you'd die for me.
Now that we've broken up,
I think it's time you kept your promise.

I'm so miserable without you
it's almost like you're here.

Congratulations on your new bundle of joy.
Did you ever find out who the father was?

Your friends and I wanted to do
something special for your birthday.
So we're having you put to sleep.

So, your daughter's a hooker,
and it spoiled your day.
Look at the bright side,
it's really good pay.