GOD — University Academic Tenure

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GOD — University Academic Tenure

Why GOD will never get academic tenure at any university

Tenure refers to the academic tenure systems, of all the things a university professor can achieve in their career, few are as desirable as academic tenure. Academic tenure is a system of strong job protections that virtually guarantees a university professor will never be fired or let go except in the most extreme of circumstances. A key idea is to allow faculty to speak freely without fear of reprisal.

Here are the main issues why God would never receive a University Academic Tenure:

1. He had only one major publication.
2. It was in Hebrew.
3. It had no cited references.
4. And it wasn't published in a refereed journal.
5. His paper was never submitted for peer review.
6. Some even doubt He wrote it himself.
7. It may be true that he created the world but what has he done since?
8. His cooperative efforts have been quite limited.
9. He never applied to the ethics board for permission to use human subjects.
10. Some say he had his son teaching the class.
11. When one experiment went awry, he tried to cover it up by drowning the subjects.
12. When subjects didn't behave as predicted, he deleted them from the sample.
13. The scientific community has had a very rough time trying to replicate his results.
14. He rarely came to class, just told students to read the book.
15. He expelled his first two students for learning.
16. Although there were only ten requirements, most students failed his tests.
17. His office hours were infrequent and usually held on a mountain top.

Reasons why He may not care:

1. He's the big boss.
2. His only publication is still the most influential in the field, with millions of citations a year.
3. Sure, He didn't write it himself, but with 12 grad students, why would you?
4. Disagree with him, and you may end up in hell.
5. Nobody can beat his 4.5 billion years of field work and 3.5 billion years of DNA expertise.
6. His research facilities are simply the best: even well-funded scientists will admit they work in conditions which are "far from Heaven" when asked.