Funny Pilots Aviation Terms

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Funny Pilots Aviation Terms

Just to prove that pilots do have a sense of humour.

AIRSPEED
Speed of an airplane. (Deduct 25% when listening to a retired or an inebriated pilot.)

BANK
The people who hold the loan on most pilots’ cars, homes, and aircraft.

CARBURETOR ICING
A phenomenon reported to the CAA by pilots immediately after they run out of fuel.

CONE OF CONFUSION
An area about the size of De Aar located near the final approach fix at an airport.

CRUISE
Where you are heading after a night of heavy drinking when your spouse confronts you or what your next holiday is.

DEAD RECKONING
You reckon correctly, or you are.

DESTINATION
Geographical location 30 minutes beyond the pilot’s bladder saturation point.

ENGINE FAILURE
A condition that occurs when all fuel tanks mysteriously become filled with air.

FIREWALL
Section of the aircraft specifically designed to funnel heat and smoke into the cockpit.

FLIGHT FOLLOWING
Formation flying.

GLIDE DISTANCE
Half the distance from an airplane to the nearest emergency landing field.

HYDROPLANE
An airplane designed to land long on a short and wet runway.

LANDING
Place outside the pub where you get together with friends to drink.

LEAN MIXTURE
Non-alcoholic beer.

MINI MAG LITE
Device designed to support the AA battery industry.

NANOSECOND
Time delay between the Low Fuel Warning light and the onset of carburettor icing.

PARASITIC DRAG
A pilot who bums a ride and complains about the service.

RICH MIXTURE
What you order at another pilot’s promotion party.

ROGER
Used when you’re not sure what else to say or friend you know at the pub.

SECTIONAL CHART
Any chart that ends 25 nm short of your destination.

SERVICE CEILING
Altitude at which cabin crew can serve drinks.

SPOILERS 
CAA Inspectors.

STALL
Technique used to explain to the bank why your loan payment is late.

STEEP BANKS
Banks that charge pilots more than the current interest rate.

TAKEOFF
What pilots say to their spouses when they will not allow them to go flying.

TURN & BANK INDICATOR
An instrument largely ignored by pilots with a lovely little model aircraft picture.

USEFUL LOAD
The total amount of passengers and luggage you can get into the aircraft until every space is taken up irrespective of weight.

WAC CHART
Directions to the military female barracks.

X 
Most pilots marriage status.