Kaleidoscope Funny Phenomena

[uk666]

Kaleidoscope Funny Phenomena

1. Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.
2. Black holes are where God divided by zero.
3. All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.
4. Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
5. Quantum Mechanics: the dreams stuff is made of.
6. I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
7. Bacteria: they're the only culture some people have.
8. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
9. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
10. The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
11. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.
12. Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
13. Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.
14. I intend to live forever - so far, so good.
15. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
16. I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
17. I love defenseless animals, especially in a good gravy.
18. If I worked as much as others, I would do as little as they.
19. What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
20. I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
21. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
22. For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
23. A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
24. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
25. For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
26. He who hesitates is probably right.
27. Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.
28. No one is listening until you make a mistake.
29. Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view.
30. The severity of the itch is proportional to the reach.
31. Two wrongs are only the beginning.
32. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
33. The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
34. The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
35. Change is inevitable - except from vending machines.
36. I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
37. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
38. Borrow money from pessimists - they don't expect it back.
39. Half the people you know are below average.
40. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
41. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
42. Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?
43. Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough?
44. Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
45. Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?
46. Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?
47. Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
48. Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?
49. Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
50. Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?
51. What is the speed of darkness?
52. Are there specially reserved parking spaces for "normal" people at the Special Olympics?
53. If you send someone 'Styrofoam', how do you pack it?
54. If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?
55. If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
56. If it's true that we are here to help others, what are the others doing here?
57. Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer?
58. If someone with a split personality threatens to commit suicide, is it a hostage situation?