You Know You're Old When ... (Humorous Old-Age Witticisms)

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You Know You're Old When ... (Humorous Old-Age Witticisms)

This hilariously humorous selection of old age witticisms will have you and your friends and relatives laughing so hard that you'll feel young again - if you don't die laughing.

Whether you're looking for 40-year-old birthday quotes or turning 100 years old verses, you'll find plenty of food for thought in our collection:

You Know You Are Old When...40's
You know you are 40 when you've been there and done that, but don't remember what that was.
You know you are old when you stop growing at both ends and start growing in the middle.
You know you are old when you can cough, fart, sneeze, and pee at the same time.
You know you are old when the only females who pursue you are mosquitoes.
You know you are old when you are too old to learn new tricks but your old tricks work just as well.

You Know You Are Old When...50's
You know you are 50 when you knew when the Dead Sea was only sick.
You know you are old when you go to the beach and turn a wonderful colour: Blue, it's from holding your stomach in.
You know you are old when people tell you how good you look.
You know you are old when almost everything hurts, and what doesn't hurt doesn't work.
You know you are old when the candles cost more than the cake.
You know you are old when you tell people you are retro.

You Know You Are Old When...60's
You know you are old when you hear your favourite songs in an elevator.
You know you are old when you're told to slow down by your doctor and not the police.
You know you are 60 years old when you eat supper at 5 p.m.

You Know You Are Old When...70's
You know you are 70 when you have a hard time locating the keys in your pocket and finding your cell phone when it rings, but you can find the snooze button from four feet away with your eyes closed. You know you are old when the oxygen masks drop from the ceiling when your birthday candles are lit.

You Know You Are Old When...80's
You know you are old when you write a note to yourself reminding you not to take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
You know you are 80 when your staying power is for the cake.

You Know You Are Old When...90's
You know you are old when kidnappers aren't very interested in you.
You know you are old when people no longer view you as a hypochondriac.

You Know You Are Old When...100's
You know you are old when there is nothing left to learn the hard way.
You know you are old when you are too old to care.
You know you are 100 years old when you see expensive antiques and you remember one just like it that you threw away.