Andr-Tech uk666 Posted June 27, 2024 Andr-Tech #1 Posted June 27, 2024 Hilarious Beer Troubleshooting Matrix If you're out for a beer and something seems odd, consult this helpful guide to find the cause and remedy: SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet. FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle. ACTION: Rotate glass so that open end points towards ceiling. SYMPTOM: Feet warm and wet. FAULT: Improper bladder control. ACTION: Stand next to the nearest dog and complain about house training. SYMPTOM: Beer unusually pale and tasteless. FAULT: Glass empty. ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer. SYMPTOM: Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights. FAULT: You've fallen over backwards. ACTION: Have yourself leashed to the bar. SYMPTOM: Mouth contains cigarette butts. FAULT: You have fallen forward. ACTION: See above. SYMPTOM: Beer tasteless, front of shirt wet. FAULT: Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face. ACTION: Retire to toilet, and practice in mirror. SYMPTOM: Floor blurred. FAULT: You are looking through the bottom of an empty glass. ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer. SYMPTOM: Floor moving. FAULT: You are being carried out. ACTION: Find out if you are being taken to another pub. SYMPTOM: Room seems unusually dark. FAULT: Pub has closed. ACTION: Confirm home address with barman. SYMPTOM: Taxi suddenly takes on colourful aspect and textures. FAULT: Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations. ACTION: Cover mouth. SYMPTOM: Everybody looks up to you and smiles. FAULT: You are dancing on the table. ACTION: Try to fall on somebody cushy-looking. SYMPTOM: Beer is crystal clear. FAULT: It's water. Somebody is trying to sober you up. ACTION: Thank them and go home. SYMPTOM: Hands hurt, nose hurts, mind unusually clear. FAULT: You have been in a fight. ACTION: Apologise to everyone you see, just in case it was them. SYMPTOM: Don't recognise anyone or recognise the room you're in. FAULT: You've wandered into the wrong party. ACTION: See if they have any free beer. SYMPTOM: Your singing sounds distorted. FAULT: The beer level is too low. ACTION: Have more beer until your voice improves. SYMPTOM: You don't remember the words to a song. FAULT: The beer is just right. ACTION: Just play the air guitar. Note Alcohol is a deadly, toxic, and highly addictive poison, yet we can talk about it freely and joke about it on the internet. If this post was in relation to a harmless substance like cannabis or psilocybin some people would be upset about it. 1
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