A Man Cannot Be Comfortable Without His Own Approval

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A Man Cannot Be Comfortable Without His Own Approval

Do you put others’ wants and needs before your own, if so, you may find this for you.

A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval. – Mark Twain. This quote is talking about a basic function of our minds. We cannot be comfortable without our own mind being comfortable. We are what we think, and this quote is simply pointing this out. If we are uncomfortable in our own mind, we won’t ever find a way to become comfortable.

By extension, we can only be comfortable with the approval of our minds. If we are comfortable in our minds about something, we can truly be comfortable. This kind of “skill”, putting others’ needs before your own, can develop in a variety of contexts and life circumstances, and without your awareness.

However, there is usually one common denominator that will help you get to the bottom of this issue without too much digging in your past. If you are just nice enough, accommodating enough, easy enough, quiet enough, supportive enough, agreeable enough, and available enough, then the people in your life won’t leave.

Being a people pleaser puts you at risk of becoming resentful, losing your sense of self, and for not being able to share your thoughts and feelings openly. You also can become a doormat by letting people walk all over you, leading to a loss of self-respect and self-value. In your love relationships, you will become exhausted and depleted, and you will wonder why it feels so empty.

Here are five ways to start pleasing yourself instead of others:

1. Uncover your fears
Before anything else, you need to figure out what you are afraid of. Is it disappointing others? Losing love? Not being liked? Once you know what you are defending against, you will be able to work through these issues, which most likely stem from your past.

2. Learn to say no
The word no has a negative connotation most of the time, but it’s actually a way to set a boundary. Even a toddler uses the word no to differentiate his sense of self. It’s hard to say no, and sometimes we can’t, but drawing the line in the sand when we need to is a healthy practice, and it lets other people know our limits.

3. Speak up
People pleasers tend to have a hard time expressing themselves openly and honestly. It’s scary to share your feelings when you think they will cause conflict or drive the other person away. Rocking the boat and upsetting the status quo is a natural and healthy part of growing in your relationships. You will need to work on speaking up for yourself and taking a stand if necessary. It will feel harsh at first, but you’ll get used to it soon enough.

4. Come from a place of desire (not obligation).
When you are trying to learn how to set boundaries and say no, you will be forced to really ask yourself what you want and need. This may be something you have never considered before, so it will seem selfish and weird at first. Make choices as opposed to fulfilling obligations.

5. Know who you’re dealing with.
If you’ve been a pleaser for a while, then the people in your life will be used to it. Some will automatically respect your new way of relating, but others will resist it. If there are people who simply cannot accept your limits and boundaries, then you might want to rethink these relationships.