Patient

[Seafood]

A patient is brought in because they randomly lost consciousness. A doctor diagnoses the patient instantly and tells his lackeys to administer a drug, before going to the medical center downstairs to mock some walk-ins for their ethnicities, diets and/or sexual habits. Patient nearly dies because of some unknown factor that they're hiding from the doctor. Doctor then has an insane theory, and to try to prove it, orders his lackeys to break into the patient's home. The lackeys find nothing and the patient's condition is rapidly deteriorating, so the doctor finally orders scans that should have been done when the patient was brought in. The scans come back clear, when the doctor has a lightbulb moment on how to fix the patient when he's taking a s**t or something, so he hounds the dying patient until they admit what they're hiding. Doctor then goes to his lackeys and tells them to administer a new drug, which they refuse to because he's insane, so he repeats his demand along with a threat to do something horrible if they don't comply. Despite this they still refuse, so the doctor sneaks in on the patient and administers the new drug. Doctor gets found out, and the spouse or parent of the patient starts belting him for playing with their loved one's life, the assault only stopping when the patient magically recovers in 5 minutes flat. Medi-babble that a viewer who's ever had a sick relative would be able to poke holes in is then used to prove that the doctor's original instant diagnosis was correct all along, and he wallows in how much smarter he is than everyone else. Doctor then engages in witty banter with his best buddy, says something about the breasts of every woman present, reminds his chief lackey that he's black, and actions the aforementioned threat on a nearby doctor of Australian or Jewish extraction. The final scene is the doctor playing piano while popping opioids like tic-tacs.

Congratulations, you've now seen every episode of House M.D.