Intruder

[Seafood]

As I stepped out of the shower, I heard someone in my kitchen downstairs. Knowing that my wife was out, I grabbed my 1903 heirloom rifle-- which no longer works-- and crept downstairs, forgetting the fact that I was in my birthday suit.

I came around the corner with the gun raised, only to find my wife loading the dishwasher.

"What are you doing" she asked.

"I thought I heard an intruder. I came down to scare him."

Scanning the contours of my doughy, naked body, she mumbled, "You didn't need the gun!"