Koolkat’s Quips - funny One-Liners

[Seafood]

Advice to husbands: Try praising your wife now and then, even if it does startle her at first.

[Seafood]

I'll never forget the pain I felt on the day that my wife was killed by a lion.

I pulled a muscle pushing her into the enclosure.

 

[Seafood]

You're getting old if it takes longer to rest than it did to get tired

[Seafood]

The first time I ever shook my girlfriend's dad's hand. I said: "you've got a great grip sir, I see where she gets it from."

[Seafood]

Of course I wouldn’t say anything about her unless I could say something good. And, oh boy, is this good …

[Seafood]

The reason some politicians like to stand on their record is to keep voters from examining it.

[Seafood]

The reason some politicians like to stand on their record is to keep voters from examining it.

[Seafood]

The insomnia patient was such a fervent vegetarian that he counted carrots jumping over a fence.

[Seafood]

This generation runs to the police ...
Our generation ran from the police ..
We are not the same

[Seafood]

Among the things that are so simple even a child can operate them are parents.

[Seafood]

4 out of 5 greeting cards are written against a steering wheel with a bad pen.

[Seafood]

My daddy was trying to teach me to swim so he threw me in the river at the bottom of the garden

The hardest thing about it was trying to get out of the sack!

[Seafood]

Do you believe in love at first sight or should I come in again?

[Seafood]

Katie Price next time you have face-lift don't let Harvey do it!

[Seafood]

Mental that oasis came back before maddie McCann

[Seafood]

Our child has a great deal of willpower—and even more won’t power.

[Seafood]

Life is not a fairy tale. If you lose a shoe at midnight, you're drunk!

[Seafood]

My mother was so surprised when I told her I was born again. She said she didn’t feel a thing!

[Seafood]

I spent a lot of time, money and effort childproofing my house … but the kids still get in.

[Seafood]

You’ll always stay young if you live honestly, eat slowly, sleep sufficiently, work industriously, worship faithfully and lie about your age.

[Seafood]

My Uncle was called the exorcist because when he left your house, there were no spirits left

[Seafood]

When he talks, it isn’t a conversation. It’s a filibuster.

[Seafood]

You can’t believe everything you hear—but you can repeat it.

[Seafood]

I WENT TO THE KITCHEN IN A SPURS KIT & NOW I CAN'T LIFT ANY CUPS

[Seafood]

There’s a lot to be said in his favor, but it’s not nearly as interesting.