Koolkat’s Quips - funny One-Liners

[Seafood]

My missus never shaves under her arms, last night i thought she had Bob Marley in an headlock

[Seafood]

My wife said that I'm hopeless at mending electrical appliances.
Well, she's in for a shock.

[Seafood]

Why do electric cars come with gas pedals?

[Seafood]

My IQ test results came back. They were negative.

[Seafood]

Scientists have recently discovered a food that greatly reduces sex drive. It’s called wedding cake.

[Seafood]

Don’t you hate it when someone answers their own questions, I do.

[Seafood]

It takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do.

[Seafood]

I told him to be himself; that was pretty mean, I guess.

[Seafood]

I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.

[Seafood]

The problem with kleptomaniacs is that they always take things literally.

[Seafood]

Never trust atoms; they make up everything.

[Seafood]

My wife just found out I replaced our bed with a trampoline. She hit the ceiling!

[Seafood]

The easiest time to add insult to injury is when you’re signing someone’s cast.

[Seafood]

Russian dolls are so full of themselves.

[Seafood]

My therapist says I have a preoccupation for revenge. We’ll see about that.

[Seafood]

A termite walks into the bar and asks, ‘Is the bar tender here?’

[Seafood]

Just burned 2,000 calories. That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.

[Seafood]

Always borrow money from a pessimist. They’ll never expect it back.

[Seafood]

Build a man a fire and he’ll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.

[Seafood]

The problem isn’t that obesity runs in your family. It’s that no one runs in your family.

[Seafood]

The last thing I want to do is hurt you; but it’s still on the list.

[Seafood]

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

[Seafood]

‘Doctor, there’s a patient on line one that says he’s invisible.’
‘Well, tell him I can’t see him right now.’

[Seafood]

Scientists have recently discovered a food that greatly reduces sex drive. It’s called wedding cake.

[Seafood]

Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with a slow Internet connection to see who they really are.