Koolkat’s Quips - funny One-Liners

[Seafood]

Everyone talks about leaving a better planet for our kids. Let’s try to leave better kids for our planet.

[Seafood]

Forgot my glasses so I’m pointing at a random spot on the menu and hoping for the best

[Seafood]

Pleasantly surprised to discover the treadmill I bought came with a remote control so I can run it from my recliner.

 

 

[Seafood]

It will probably surprise you that there is an upcoming concert with a 45 cent admission fee.

It's 50 Cent featuring Nickelback.

[Seafood]

JUST found out through an Ancestry search that I am 25% rabbit.

It also informed me I have 164,944 new relatives. Wait. 164,950.

[Seafood]

Let me just flip this here omelette.... aaaaaand I'm having scrambled eggs

[Seafood]

Coffee without caffeine. Beer without alcohol. Milk without fat. What's next ? Marriage without sex?

[Seafood]

Having plans sounds like a good idea until you have to put on clothes and leave your house.

[Seafood]

My credit card company sent me a final notice bill. Good, I was tired of hearing from them

[Seafood]

I saw my lawyer at the grocery store but I didn’t speak to him because I didn’t have $300 on me.

[Seafood]

Male bees die right after mating. So, their whole life is… Honey, Nut, Cheerio.

[Seafood]

I wish I was as fat as the first time I thought I was fat.

 

 

[Seafood]

I'm going to be very disappointed if I go to England and nobody skips to the loo.

[Seafood]

If you want to see a true tyrant in action, put one of your kids in charge of the other ones.

 

 

[Seafood]

Anybody know of a good job for someone that hates people and working?

[Seafood]

Life wasn't meant to be easy.

[Seafood]

A little learning is a dangerous thing, but a lot of ignorance is just as bad

[Seafood]

Couples who have been married for a long time start finishing off each other's sentences. The most popular being "Shut up"

[Seafood]

I'm angrier than a waitress forced to sing happy birthday

 

 

[Seafood]

I consider my body less of a temple and more of a ruin.

[Seafood]

My diet this week consisted of 6 cheat days

[Seafood]

Edward Scissorhand's death was probably from running.

 

 

[Seafood]

When something at the hardware store says it's universal, that means it will fit every model on the market except the one you have.

[Seafood]

There is no better sunscreen than sitting in a bar.

[Seafood]

I ordered some bubble wrap online. It arrived in a box surrounded by packing peanuts.