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Koolkat’s Quips - funny One-Liners


koolkat

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Posted

The only reason why I'm good at keeping secrets is because I forget them.

  • Haha 1
Posted

If anyone would like to help out with the restoration of our local Church...
Give us a bell

  • Haha 1
Posted

In California, they don't throw their garbage away - they turn it into TV shows

Posted

The problem with retirement is....
You never get a day off.

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I got a job as an Astronaut,
But they said i was a waste of space,

Posted

To any Spanish speaking friends on here.
Hasta anie bisto
Ive run out of gravy,

Posted

I crossed a Crocodile with a Budgie It bit my leg off and said,,,Who,s a naughty boy,,

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Retirement has cured many a businessman's ulcer - and given his wife one.

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I said to the doctor my wife smokes before during and after sex? He said That's Ok
I said But it’s the same cigarette!
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Well i just had some good news after all the bad new news, the Police want to interview me, and i have not even applied for a job

Posted

Retirement happens when you overachieve in the area of experience.

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It is nice to get out of the rat race, but you have to learn to get along with less cheese.

  • Haha 1
Posted

I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it is time for my nap.

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A father said his teenage son took an aptitude test and was found to be well-suited for retirement.

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I finally managed to teach my dog to beg.
Last night he came home with fifty pounds.
  • Haha 1
Posted

The Bishop came to our church today, but I think he was an imposter. He never once moved diagonally.

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Confucius say: He who laugh last, slow to get joke.

  • Like 1
Posted

Confucius say: He who throw dirt, lose ground.

  • Like 1
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Confucius say: Hard work pay off in future.  Laziness pay off now.

  • Like 1
Posted

Confucius say: Student who study history will find there is no future in it.

  • Like 1
Posted

Confucius say: Banker who sit in freezer have frozen assets.

  • Haha 1
Posted

Thieves were caught hours after stealing GPS tracking devices from tech company

  • Like 1
Posted
My long lost uncle has left me his stately home
Does anyone know where Sod Hall is?
Posted

I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink

Posted
I don't know if laughter is the "best" medicine, but I do like that it doesn't have a $35 co-pay.
 
 

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