Seafood Posted March 7, 2023 #576 Posted March 7, 2023 I'll tell you what I really hate about my new Thai bride... She keeps leaving the toilet seat up!
Seafood Posted March 8, 2023 #577 Posted March 8, 2023 The sound of my wife gasping for breath in the hospital bed still haunts me to this day Maybe I should change my ringtone.
Seafood Posted March 9, 2023 #578 Posted March 9, 2023 Pulled out my first grey pubic hair this morning, The missus screamed and gave me a hiding.
Seafood Posted March 10, 2023 #579 Posted March 10, 2023 Really spoiled her today. I bought her a new scent. Then I rubbed essential oils into her beautiful body and then I did the hoovering and dusting.....I really love my car.
Seafood Posted March 11, 2023 #580 Posted March 11, 2023 Not sleeping very well at the moment. I keep dreaming I’m a horse. That’s 5 nights on the trot.
Seafood Posted March 13, 2023 #582 Posted March 13, 2023 The National Heckling Society are having their annual party tonight. It's bring your own boooooos...
Seafood Posted March 14, 2023 #583 Posted March 14, 2023 I lost my job at NASA Mission Control today . I misheard when they said, "It's lunch time."
Seafood Posted March 15, 2023 #584 Posted March 15, 2023 I saw Bill Wyman in town today. He went in Vision Express, Carpet Rite and Greggs. Still the same old Bill, specs and rugs and sausage rolls!!..
Seafood Posted March 16, 2023 #585 Posted March 16, 2023 I asked My Mother "what you want for mothers day"? She said"Oh i'd just like my meal cooked and a bit of looking after". So ive put her in a nursing home.
Seafood Posted March 17, 2023 #586 Posted March 17, 2023 I've often wondered how much wine a SPIDER would have to drink to get legless...
Seafood Posted March 19, 2023 #587 Posted March 19, 2023 My wife,as just said,she's leaving me because of my obsession with American sit coms.....Happy Days !
Seafood Posted March 20, 2023 #588 Posted March 20, 2023 Well i just had some good news after all the bad new news, the Police want to interview me, and i have not even applied for a job
Seafood Posted March 21, 2023 #589 Posted March 21, 2023 The wife has just started a banana and coconut diet. She hasn't lost any weight but boy can she climb trees.
Seafood Posted March 22, 2023 #590 Posted March 22, 2023 It’s time to clean the refrigerator when something closes the door from the inside.
Seafood Posted March 23, 2023 #591 Posted March 23, 2023 My wife complains that I fold the bath towels wrong. And yet miraculously, they still manage to get us dry.
Seafood Posted March 24, 2023 #592 Posted March 24, 2023 My wife said she had 14 reasons why she was leaving me, plus my obsession with tennis… I said that’s fifteen love.
Seafood Posted March 25, 2023 #593 Posted March 25, 2023 I've just found out I'm part Scottish. That's great news, I can avoid the expense of fruit and veg all together now.
Seafood Posted March 26, 2023 #594 Posted March 26, 2023 I went to My Mother and said "what you want for mothers day"? She said "Oh i'd just liked my meal cooked and a bit of looking after". So i put her in a nursing home.
Seafood Posted March 27, 2023 #595 Posted March 27, 2023 It's difficult for me to say what my wife does for a living because... She sells sea shells by the seashore.
Seafood Posted March 28, 2023 #596 Posted March 28, 2023 Normally I can’t dance to save my life.But as soon as I step in dog sh*t,I can moonwalk better than Michael Jackson
Seafood Posted March 29, 2023 #597 Posted March 29, 2023 A little caterpillar was crossing the lawn,,It was such a lovely day he started to sing that french song,,"Chanson Amour"when a lawn mower ran over him and went,,Ratatatatat
Seafood Posted March 30, 2023 #598 Posted March 30, 2023 Just spent 5 mins. trying to vacuum up a small dot on the carpet in my loungeroom....turns out it was just a spot of reflected sunshine !! Looks like I'm off to a good start for the day!
Seafood Posted March 31, 2023 #599 Posted March 31, 2023 My great grandfather in world war one bred messenger woodpeckers, they were like messenger pigeons but knocked on the door, when they delivered the message.
Seafood Posted April 1, 2023 #600 Posted April 1, 2023 I'm not saying I'm ugly but people used to say to my mum "What a lovely pram"
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