Seafood Posted April 2, 2022 Share #201 Posted April 2, 2022 Just received a summons for flashing. I hope it doesn't stand up in court!! Link to comment
Seafood Posted April 3, 2022 Share #202 Posted April 3, 2022 I said to the taxi driver, 'King Arthur's Close'. He said, don't worry, we'll lose him at the next set of lights. Link to comment
Seafood Posted April 4, 2022 Share #203 Posted April 4, 2022 Well, I've officially entered the, ''Why the feck have I came into this room?'' phase of my life!!.. Link to comment
MMT Posted April 5, 2022 Share #204 Posted April 5, 2022 Bloke I knew was a professional driver for 35 years but he never got paid much so when he retired he didn't have much to chauffeur it. 1 Link to comment
Seafood Posted April 5, 2022 Share #205 Posted April 5, 2022 I don't like to brag about my wealth obviously... But yesterday, I had the heating on for an hour! Link to comment
Seafood Posted April 6, 2022 Share #206 Posted April 6, 2022 When I was a young boy a fat lady on the bus told me to stand up for an old lady, I said “Why don’t you stand up so 2 old ladies can sit down?” Link to comment
MMT Posted April 7, 2022 Share #207 Posted April 7, 2022 I'm working on the invention of an invisible cloak. It's not quite there yet. You can't see anything under it, but you can still see the cloak. Link to comment
MMT Posted April 7, 2022 Share #208 Posted April 7, 2022 My mate fills animals with helium, but I don't judge. Whatever floats your goat. Link to comment
MMT Posted April 7, 2022 Share #209 Posted April 7, 2022 I went fishing using liquorice as bait. I caught all sorts. Link to comment
MMT Posted April 7, 2022 Share #210 Posted April 7, 2022 A recent study has proven that I shouldn't attach additional rooms to my house. Link to comment
MMT Posted April 7, 2022 Share #211 Posted April 7, 2022 I struggle understanding Roman numerals but then I get to 159 and it just CLIX. Link to comment
Seafood Posted April 7, 2022 Share #212 Posted April 7, 2022 Bought some dead houseplants today, just to save time... Link to comment
Seafood Posted April 8, 2022 Share #213 Posted April 8, 2022 My dentist informed me today that I need a crown. Finally, someone who understands me. Link to comment
MMT Posted April 8, 2022 Share #214 Posted April 8, 2022 I haven’t sold a single copy of my autobiography. That’s the story of my life. Link to comment
MMT Posted April 8, 2022 Share #215 Posted April 8, 2022 You know when players throw the ball into the crowd at the end of the game? It's not allowed in tenpin bowling. I know that now. Link to comment
MMT Posted April 8, 2022 Share #216 Posted April 8, 2022 Anyone know how to get rid of condensation in the kitchen? If so, pop around any time, the kettle's always on. Link to comment
MMT Posted April 8, 2022 Share #217 Posted April 8, 2022 What does Arnold Schwarzenegger call a colonoscopy? Cameron Diaz. Link to comment
MMT Posted April 9, 2022 Share #218 Posted April 9, 2022 Alligators can live up to 100 years old. Which is why there is a good chance they will see you later. Link to comment
Seafood Posted April 9, 2022 Share #219 Posted April 9, 2022 I phoned my wife and said I really fancy eating out tonight honey... When I got home there was a sandwich on the doorstep.....! Link to comment
MMT Posted April 9, 2022 Share #220 Posted April 9, 2022 As she was leaving the house, my wife called out; "Don't eat that cake in the fridge!" As if I could get in the fridge. Link to comment
MMT Posted April 10, 2022 Share #221 Posted April 10, 2022 Getting fed up with people complaining about prices. £2 for a coffee, £3 for a slice of cake, £5 for parking. I'm going to stop inviting them around. Link to comment
Seafood Posted April 10, 2022 Share #222 Posted April 10, 2022 I’ll never forget the first time I slept on a memory foam mattress!!.. Link to comment
MMT Posted April 11, 2022 Share #223 Posted April 11, 2022 Standing on the tube this morning I thought: " these pringles are going to be crushed. " Link to comment
MMT Posted April 11, 2022 Share #224 Posted April 11, 2022 Did we ever find out what the knights in white, sat in? Link to comment
MMT Posted April 11, 2022 Share #225 Posted April 11, 2022 Does an apple a day keep the doctor away, or is that one of Granny's myths? 1 Link to comment
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