Seafood Posted January 17 Share #876 Posted January 17 If I had spoken to my parents the way kids do nowadays, I wouldn’t be here to post this... Link to comment
Seafood Posted January 18 Share #877 Posted January 18 When i was in middle school, My English teacher assigned an essay: "What is courage?" I received an A+ for turning in a blank page with only my name at the top. Link to comment
Seafood Posted January 19 Share #878 Posted January 19 My missus is a real good looker.....no matter where i hide me money,she always finds it.... Link to comment
Seafood Posted January 20 Share #879 Posted January 20 If bed bugs live in beds and grass hoppers live in grass where do cockroaches live? Link to comment
Seafood Posted January 21 Share #880 Posted January 21 The renter found something creepy the landlord was hiding? My money is on a collection of porcelain dolls that stare into your soul. Link to comment
Seafood Posted January 22 Share #881 Posted January 22 Better to light a candle than curse the darkness Link to comment
Seafood Posted January 23 Share #882 Posted January 23 My mate, got a job in the circus after being out of work for years, as a human cannonball. he was fired on the first day Link to comment
Seafood Posted January 24 Share #883 Posted January 24 Wife - "Do that scene from The Full Monty for me." Me - "Sure!" (Starts to strip seductively) Wife - "No. Get down the bleeding job centre" Link to comment
Seafood Posted January 26 Share #884 Posted January 26 When I was younger a double jab was a boxing move and going shopping in a mask was something you did during armed robbery. Link to comment
Seafood Posted January 26 Share #885 Posted January 26 That on line quiz is fixed, we lost by 1 point, we got none. The winning question was, In Greek mythology who was half man and half beast? and i was dead sure it was Buffalo Bill Link to comment
Seafood Posted January 28 Share #886 Posted January 28 My wife watches so many medical shows, I can only talk to her during visiting hours. Link to comment
Seafood Posted January 28 Share #887 Posted January 28 Just heard,,,There now going to put the Asylum Seekers in Pontins Holiday Camps. Havn,t these poor people been through enough,,, Link to comment
Seafood Posted January 29 Share #888 Posted January 29 The Irish train drivers are on strike now.they want a 30% pay rise and they want 2 days working from home,, Link to comment
Seafood Posted January 30 Share #889 Posted January 30 Science. Fertility is hereditary. If your parents didn't have kids neither will you. Link to comment
Seafood Posted January 31 Share #890 Posted January 31 Driving by myself is so tiring because I have to be the lead singer, the backup singer, dancer, drummer and etc. Link to comment
Seafood Posted February 1 Share #891 Posted February 1 THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A BIRD AND A FLY....A bird can fly but a fly can't bird. Link to comment
Seafood Posted February 2 Share #892 Posted February 2 I'm not saying that my prostate examiner has the fattest index finger I've ever seen, but it's definitely up there. Link to comment
Seafood Posted February 3 Share #893 Posted February 3 I went into a shop in the East End called Cockney Butchers, the lady behind the counter said, "Fancy a ham shank love"? How was I to know she wasn't talking rhyming slang. Link to comment
Seafood Posted February 4 Share #894 Posted February 4 A farmer in Devon has successfully grown the first field of vibrators, Sadly he now has a problem with Squatters,,, Link to comment
Seafood Posted February 7 Share #895 Posted February 7 A man stopped me with a clipboard this afternoon and asked if I kept any pets. I said I’ve got a goldfish Any hobbies? Well it likes swimming. Link to comment
Seafood Posted February 8 Share #896 Posted February 8 ARE YOU BOTHERED BY PEOPLE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR TRYING TO SAVE YOU FROM SIN? PLACE A LARGE PICTURE OF A VICIOUS DOG NEXT TO YOUR DOORBELL WITH A CAPTION SAYING, "I CAN MAKE IT TO THE GATE IN 3 SECONDS....CAN YOU???" Link to comment
Seafood Posted February 9 Share #897 Posted February 9 I went for a rectal examination at the doctors... he gave me the thumbs up ! Link to comment
Seafood Posted February 10 Share #898 Posted February 10 My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way Link to comment
Seafood Posted February 11 Share #899 Posted February 11 France is a country where the money falls apart but you can't tear the toilet paper Link to comment
Seafood Posted February 12 Share #900 Posted February 12 THE BEST THING GOD CAME UP WITH WAS SIN....HOW DULL WOULD LIFE BE WITHOUT IT. Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Please sign in to comment
You will be able to leave a comment after signing in
Sign In Now