Seafood Posted December 20, 2023 Share #851 Posted December 20, 2023 Christmas for me is much like having sex. The build up is great but when it finally comes, I regret spending so much money. Link to comment
Seafood Posted December 21, 2023 Share #852 Posted December 21, 2023 Hi my name is Mick I'm a husband and it's been 37 years since my last decision... Link to comment
Seafood Posted December 23, 2023 Share #853 Posted December 23, 2023 I'm single and been on the market so long .. I'm about to go on clearance . Link to comment
Seafood Posted December 24, 2023 Share #854 Posted December 24, 2023 I just had a near sex experience... My wife flashed before my eyes! Link to comment
Seafood Posted December 28, 2023 Share #855 Posted December 28, 2023 "Well, thank god that's over for another year"... Said the wife, as I rolled off the top of her! Link to comment
Seafood Posted December 28, 2023 Share #856 Posted December 28, 2023 My new years resolution is to give up sexual innuendos... Which is going to be extremely hard! Link to comment
Seafood Posted December 28, 2023 Share #857 Posted December 28, 2023 I bought my grandad some strong aftershave and a new cigarette lighter for Christmas. You should have seen his face light up! Link to comment
Seafood Posted December 28, 2023 Share #858 Posted December 28, 2023 Jesus loves you is such a nice phrase, unless you're in a Mexican jail. Link to comment
Seafood Posted December 29, 2023 Share #859 Posted December 29, 2023 A study has found that people who order black coffee are more likely to be psychopaths. And people who order non fat, vanilla soy, extra foam with caramel drizzle will be their victims. Link to comment
Seafood Posted December 30, 2023 Share #860 Posted December 30, 2023 I got a big envelope in the mail that had written on the front, "Photographs: Do Not Bend." Underneath the postman wrote, "Oh, yes they do." Link to comment
Seafood Posted December 31, 2023 Share #861 Posted December 31, 2023 Whooo Woooo,,,My love life is on the up Yer someone just touched me with a barge poll, Link to comment
Seafood Posted January 1 Share #862 Posted January 1 Not a good start to the New Year,,The Praying Mantis the kids got me for christmas,,, Its a bloody Athiest,, Link to comment
Seafood Posted January 2 Share #863 Posted January 2 In a packed elevator, everyone is silent. Stomach: I will now demonstrate the mating call of a whale Link to comment
Seafood Posted January 4 Share #864 Posted January 4 You know you're getting old when the twinkle in your eye is mearly a reflection of the sun on your bifocals Link to comment
Seafood Posted January 5 Share #865 Posted January 5 Vaping is so weird. You walk past a group of dudes who look like gangsters, but they smell like strawberry muffins Link to comment
Seafood Posted January 6 Share #866 Posted January 6 You know when it's cold outside, when it is cold outside! Link to comment
Seafood Posted January 7 Share #867 Posted January 7 The wife said she left me because i kept using horoscope names? But i think it was her mother that Taurus apart. Link to comment
Seafood Posted January 9 Share #868 Posted January 9 The good news is no matter how much weight I put on over the holidays my flip flops still fit. Link to comment
Seafood Posted January 10 Share #869 Posted January 10 You know you're getting old when your idea of weight lifting is getting up! Link to comment
Seafood Posted January 11 Share #870 Posted January 11 Do you know what's an ASKHOLE? Definition: it's a person who constantly asks you for advice, yet always does the opposite of what you told them! Link to comment
Seafood Posted January 12 Share #871 Posted January 12 When I lived on a houseboat I was seeing the girl next door, but eventually we drifted apart. Link to comment
Seafood Posted January 13 Share #872 Posted January 13 The way I stay indoors , I'm slowly becoming a furniture... Link to comment
Seafood Posted January 14 Share #873 Posted January 14 I helped my neighbour out this morning and he said'I could marry you!'Couldn't believe it,do something nice for some1 and they wanna ruin ya life in return! Link to comment
Seafood Posted January 15 Share #874 Posted January 15 Bono and The Edge walked into a bar.The barman says,"Oh FFS,not U2 again." Link to comment
Seafood Posted January 16 Share #875 Posted January 16 I used to think our parents were sooo strict, but watching these kids today, I think our parents saved our lives. Link to comment
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