Seafood Posted February 11, 2023 Share #551 Posted February 11, 2023 Not many people believed in my ability. But after the loss of 14 pounds in 5 weeks I have done it. Fixed the hole in my pocket. Link to comment
Seafood Posted February 12, 2023 Share #552 Posted February 12, 2023 I'm not one to brag about the expensive places I've visited, but I've just got back from the Vets Link to comment
Seafood Posted February 13, 2023 Share #553 Posted February 13, 2023 Surprise your girlfriend this Valentine's Day... Introduce her to your wife! Link to comment
Seafood Posted February 14, 2023 Share #554 Posted February 14, 2023 Valentine special Only £400, We arrest you infront of your wife in police uniforms , blues and 2's and release you 4 days later , includes, camping site, fishing licence, tent & beer. Link to comment
Seafood Posted February 15, 2023 Share #555 Posted February 15, 2023 I didn't think it was possible to travel 20 years back in time.... until I got into an argument with my wife. Link to comment
Seafood Posted February 16, 2023 Share #556 Posted February 16, 2023 Doctor says , "Tell your dad that I said hi" , patient says , "But he's dead" , doctor says , I know .... Link to comment
Seafood Posted February 17, 2023 Share #557 Posted February 17, 2023 I think my neighbour is stalking me. She's been googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night. Link to comment
Seafood Posted February 18, 2023 Share #558 Posted February 18, 2023 When faced with a difficult problem I usually ask myself "What would Grandma have done?" Then I leave the house in my underwear and shout at random strangers!!. Link to comment
Seafood Posted February 19, 2023 Share #559 Posted February 19, 2023 Just been on a bomb disposal course. It was a bit disappointing… It's just ticking boxes! Link to comment
Seafood Posted February 20, 2023 Share #560 Posted February 20, 2023 I went to the bar and ordered a pint of Less. The barman asks, "What's Less?" I answered, "I don't really know but the doctor told me to start drinking it!" 1 Link to comment
Seafood Posted February 21, 2023 Share #561 Posted February 21, 2023 Just saw two birds stuck together in the garden... I think they're velcrows! Link to comment
Seafood Posted February 22, 2023 Share #562 Posted February 22, 2023 Wives are funny creatures, they don't have sex with their husbands for weeks and then want to kill the woman that does. Link to comment
Seafood Posted February 23, 2023 Share #563 Posted February 23, 2023 When my girlfriend moved away i wrote her letters everyday, She married the postman Link to comment
visitor Posted February 24, 2023 Share #564 Posted February 24, 2023 most effective "safe word" (actually two words): my turn Link to comment
Seafood Posted February 24, 2023 Share #565 Posted February 24, 2023 The inventor of the throat lozenger has died today!! There will be no coffin at his funeral Link to comment
Seafood Posted February 25, 2023 Share #566 Posted February 25, 2023 Just so everyone is clear, I'm going to put my glasses on! Link to comment
Seafood Posted February 26, 2023 Share #567 Posted February 26, 2023 My mate had neck brace fitted at the hospital about six months ago. And he's never looked back since Link to comment
Seafood Posted February 27, 2023 Share #568 Posted February 27, 2023 Hate it when your fingers go through the toilet paper mid wipe, But other than that, I'm enjoying working at the old folks home. Link to comment
Seafood Posted February 28, 2023 Share #569 Posted February 28, 2023 I told my wife, "you're always pushing me around and talking behind my back" She said, "what do you expect - you're in a wheelchair" Link to comment
Seafood Posted March 1, 2023 Share #570 Posted March 1, 2023 Have to have, the world's unluckiest love life, My wife, just left me for my mistress. Link to comment
Seafood Posted March 2, 2023 Share #571 Posted March 2, 2023 Local Transport Authorities, come up with a miraculous invention, to help women drivers, It's called a bus ticket. Link to comment
Seafood Posted March 3, 2023 Share #572 Posted March 3, 2023 Saw this sign that said Yard sale. I walked up and asked the lady how much she wanted for her yard Link to comment
Seafood Posted March 4, 2023 Share #573 Posted March 4, 2023 Today is Shakin Steven’s 75th Birthday. I met him once, he seemed nervous! Link to comment
Seafood Posted March 5, 2023 Share #574 Posted March 5, 2023 Just been conned on ebay. I bought the worlds biggest cardboard box but the one it came in was bigger. Link to comment
Seafood Posted March 6, 2023 Share #575 Posted March 6, 2023 My bank just called me about suspicious activity on my account. They didn't believe I bought a gym membership. Link to comment
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