Seafood Posted January 17, 2023 Share #526 Posted January 17, 2023 I am proud to announce I have completed the first item on my bucket list . . . I have the bucket Link to comment
Seafood Posted January 18, 2023 Share #527 Posted January 18, 2023 Just arrived at my speed awareness course, an hour early! Link to comment
Seafood Posted January 19, 2023 Share #528 Posted January 19, 2023 my missus is a real good looker.....no matter where i hide me money,she always finds it.... Link to comment
Seafood Posted January 20, 2023 Share #529 Posted January 20, 2023 My Uncle is an alcoholic. We call him the Exorcist. Every time he visits, he rids the house of spirits. Link to comment
Seafood Posted January 21, 2023 Share #530 Posted January 21, 2023 I haven’t spoken to my Mother-in-law for over 3 years as I didn’t want to interrupt her! Link to comment
Seafood Posted January 22, 2023 Share #531 Posted January 22, 2023 Absolutely mental last night, I had 3 E's and LSD.......................Worst start to a game of Scrabble ever.!!!! Link to comment
Seafood Posted January 23, 2023 Share #532 Posted January 23, 2023 I sent my pictures to the Lonely Hearts Club. They sent it back, saying they weren't that lonely. Link to comment
Seafood Posted January 24, 2023 Share #533 Posted January 24, 2023 I love watching women's heavyweight boxing. It's hilarious to see them fight back the tears when the announcer tells everyone their weight. Link to comment
Seafood Posted January 25, 2023 Share #534 Posted January 25, 2023 My wife is leaving me because she thinks I'm obsessed with astronomy... What planet is she on? Link to comment
Seafood Posted January 26, 2023 Share #535 Posted January 26, 2023 I'm sorry to hear your uncle was run over by a boat in Venice. My gondolences. Link to comment
Seafood Posted January 27, 2023 Share #536 Posted January 27, 2023 I phoned Dominoes pizza, a lad called Karl answered: "How can I help you?".. I said: "Take a guess Karl, you got a radiator cap for a 1980 Cortina?...." Link to comment
Seafood Posted January 28, 2023 Share #537 Posted January 28, 2023 All my mates are commenting how well i look after i managed to get rid of 12 stone of useless fat. I can see them a lot more now i am single !! Link to comment
Seafood Posted January 29, 2023 Share #538 Posted January 29, 2023 My wife said she's had enough of me because I always get my directions mixed up.. So I just packed my bags and right... Link to comment
Seafood Posted January 30, 2023 Share #539 Posted January 30, 2023 My new girlfriend is a bin lady. The problem is, I can't remember if I'm supposed to take her out Wednesday or Thursday! Link to comment
Seafood Posted January 31, 2023 Share #540 Posted January 31, 2023 My mum always used to say "Give your food a rinse before you eat it." Lovely woman. Terrible sandwiches. Link to comment
Seafood Posted February 1, 2023 Share #541 Posted February 1, 2023 I tell myself I should cut down on my drinking. Then I realize I'm nowhere near drunk enough to be having this conversation with myself Link to comment
Seafood Posted February 2, 2023 Share #542 Posted February 2, 2023 I'm sitting peacefully, trying to relax and enjoy a nice bottle of wine when my wife accuses me off going back on my word. "You said it was dry January!" she snaps. This is dry. It's a Sauvignon Blanc. Link to comment
Seafood Posted February 3, 2023 Share #543 Posted February 3, 2023 I'm not saying that my wife is simple, but she thinks Iran is a new treadmill machine by Apple. Link to comment
Seafood Posted February 4, 2023 Share #544 Posted February 4, 2023 6 dwarves gate crashed my bachelor's party. Not Happy! 1 Link to comment
Seafood Posted February 5, 2023 Share #545 Posted February 5, 2023 Dirty Derek, the local flasher was thinking about retiring . . . but he's decided to stick it out for another year Link to comment
Seafood Posted February 6, 2023 Share #546 Posted February 6, 2023 I got knocked over by a cyclist today. It was my own fault though, I was walking on the pavement. Link to comment
Seafood Posted February 7, 2023 Share #547 Posted February 7, 2023 Some fella thinks that me & the wife live in a lighthouse i keep getting calls asking if the coast is clear Link to comment
Seafood Posted February 8, 2023 Share #548 Posted February 8, 2023 My relationship with a homeless women is getting serious. I'm moving out with her. Link to comment
Seafood Posted February 9, 2023 Share #549 Posted February 9, 2023 I suffer from kleptomania. When it gets really bad I take something for it. Link to comment
Seafood Posted February 10, 2023 Share #550 Posted February 10, 2023 Blew my chances of getting a job at my local police station by answering 'No Comment' to every question at my interview. Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Please sign in to comment
You will be able to leave a comment after signing in
Sign In Now