MMT Posted April 19, 2022 Share #251 Posted April 19, 2022 Just bought a tin of molasses. Wonder what they do with the rest of the mole? Link to comment
MMT Posted April 19, 2022 Share #252 Posted April 19, 2022 My girlfriend and I share the same sense of humour. We have to. She doesn't have one. 1 Link to comment
Seafood Posted April 19, 2022 Share #253 Posted April 19, 2022 Why don't they cut down on Lollipop men and women by moving the school to the other side of the road Link to comment
MMT Posted April 20, 2022 Share #254 Posted April 20, 2022 Did you ever notice that there are no recipes for leftover chocolate. Link to comment
Seafood Posted April 20, 2022 Share #255 Posted April 20, 2022 Never let anyone put you down. Look at Beethoven, because he was deaf they said he'd never be a musician, but did he listen? Link to comment
MMT Posted April 21, 2022 Share #256 Posted April 21, 2022 Just hired a stunning 20-year-old woman to look after the baby. Does anyone know where I can get a baby sometime today? Link to comment
MMT Posted April 21, 2022 Share #257 Posted April 21, 2022 I almost stopped drinking But then I thought about all the people who work for breweries in order too feed their families. 1 Link to comment
Seafood Posted April 21, 2022 Share #258 Posted April 21, 2022 My wife and I have different ideas on death. I want to be cremated when I die and she wants to cremate me now. Link to comment
MMT Posted April 22, 2022 Share #259 Posted April 22, 2022 Vampires aren't real. Unless you Count Dracula. Link to comment
MMT Posted April 22, 2022 Share #260 Posted April 22, 2022 The delivery guy asked me the time. I said ;"anytime between 8:30 and 5:30." Link to comment
MMT Posted April 22, 2022 Share #261 Posted April 22, 2022 If a man speaks in the forest and there is no woman to hear him, is he still wrong? Link to comment
Seafood Posted April 22, 2022 Share #262 Posted April 22, 2022 Why does my phone's predictive text always suggest "Boris" every time I type the word "twat"? Link to comment
MMT Posted April 23, 2022 Share #263 Posted April 23, 2022 Deserts are dry. Arid it somewhere. Link to comment
MMT Posted April 23, 2022 Share #264 Posted April 23, 2022 I can only think of a few Motown groups. Three, maybe four tops. Link to comment
Seafood Posted April 23, 2022 Share #265 Posted April 23, 2022 I'm writing a book about all the things I should be doing. It's my 'oughtobiography.' Link to comment
MMT Posted April 24, 2022 Share #266 Posted April 24, 2022 They don't make time machines like they are going to any more. Link to comment
MMT Posted April 24, 2022 Share #267 Posted April 24, 2022 You can't laugh out loud in Hawaii - but you are allowed a low ha. 1 Link to comment
Seafood Posted April 24, 2022 Share #268 Posted April 24, 2022 Just found out my brother is a mime artist. He kept that fooking quiet.!! Link to comment
MMT Posted April 25, 2022 Share #269 Posted April 25, 2022 I woke up with rice in my hair, ears and nose. Funny because I slept well, and went to sleep as soon as my head hit the pilau. Link to comment
Seafood Posted April 25, 2022 Share #270 Posted April 25, 2022 I've just finished reading the Kama Sutra.....and I have to say its left me in a very awkward position !!! Link to comment
MMT Posted April 25, 2022 Share #271 Posted April 25, 2022 My career as a gold prospector didn't pan out. Link to comment
MMT Posted April 26, 2022 Share #272 Posted April 26, 2022 I found my grandfather's wig making machine in the attic. It's a family hair loom. Link to comment
MMT Posted April 26, 2022 Share #273 Posted April 26, 2022 (edited) I asked my wife what women really wanted. She said 'attentive lovers'. Or ' a tent of lovers', or something. I wasn't really listening. Edited April 26, 2022 by MMT 1 Link to comment
Seafood Posted April 26, 2022 Share #274 Posted April 26, 2022 Today is national stalking awareness day.. Sort of crept up on me!! Link to comment
MMT Posted April 27, 2022 Share #275 Posted April 27, 2022 I once won a lifetime's supply of spam but I frittered it away. Link to comment
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