Seafood Posted April 11, 2022 Share #226 Posted April 11, 2022 Boris Johnson has said that Britain is prepared for Nuclear attacks from Russia. Boris we weren't even prepared for Snow in fooking winter!!. Link to comment
MMT Posted April 12, 2022 Share #227 Posted April 12, 2022 lost two fingers on my right hand and asked the doctor if I would be able to write again. "Yes, but I wouldn't count on it." Link to comment
MMT Posted April 12, 2022 Share #228 Posted April 12, 2022 (edited) We have the power to change at least one thing per day please make it your underwear Edited April 12, 2022 by MMT Link to comment
MMT Posted April 12, 2022 Share #229 Posted April 12, 2022 (edited) I guess "do not touch" is a scary thing to read in Braille. Edited April 12, 2022 by MMT Link to comment
MMT Posted April 12, 2022 Share #230 Posted April 12, 2022 The man who invented the Ferris wheel never met the man who invented the merry-go-round. They travelled in different circles. Link to comment
Seafood Posted April 12, 2022 Share #231 Posted April 12, 2022 A man and a woman can be 'Just friends' with no sex involved It's called marriage Link to comment
MMT Posted April 13, 2022 Share #232 Posted April 13, 2022 Apparently, Canada isn't real. It's all maple leaf. Link to comment
MMT Posted April 13, 2022 Share #233 Posted April 13, 2022 I was offered a job as a noise abatement officer. I turned it down. Link to comment
MMT Posted April 13, 2022 Share #234 Posted April 13, 2022 The Sultan's wife got into financial dire straits. Sultana Swing. Link to comment
MMT Posted April 13, 2022 Share #235 Posted April 13, 2022 My wife begged me to stop making police related puns. I said, “Okay, I’ll give it arrest.” 1 Link to comment
Seafood Posted April 13, 2022 Share #236 Posted April 13, 2022 My interview for the post of Town crier went well, they said if i get the job, they'll give me a bell Link to comment
Seafood Posted April 14, 2022 Share #237 Posted April 14, 2022 The trouble with being punctual is that nobody’s there to appreciate it. Link to comment
MMT Posted April 15, 2022 Share #238 Posted April 15, 2022 I discovered that I lived a previous life as a hillbilly. Must be reintarnation. Link to comment
Seafood Posted April 15, 2022 Share #239 Posted April 15, 2022 Finally had a right bust up with the missus over how long to leave a tea bag in the cup, to be honest its been brewing for ages Link to comment
MMT Posted April 16, 2022 Share #240 Posted April 16, 2022 Police are on the lookout for a man going around attacking people with knitting needles. They think that he's following a pattern. Link to comment
MMT Posted April 16, 2022 Share #241 Posted April 16, 2022 I see Yoko Ono has a daughter who sells Japanese dresses. Kim. Link to comment
MMT Posted April 16, 2022 Share #242 Posted April 16, 2022 Confusing sign on a box at the grocery. 'Squash- do not crush. ' Link to comment
MMT Posted April 16, 2022 Share #243 Posted April 16, 2022 Devil; "Welcome to hell, this sea of lava is now your home" Me ;"it's underground, therefore it's magma." Devil; "this is why you are here." Link to comment
Seafood Posted April 16, 2022 Share #244 Posted April 16, 2022 I've had the shits for two weeks now !!!!!!! Thank god they're back to school next week !!! Link to comment
MMT Posted April 17, 2022 Share #245 Posted April 17, 2022 When the doctor examined me and said my prostate was fine, I was deeply touched. Link to comment
MMT Posted April 17, 2022 Share #246 Posted April 17, 2022 Does anyone want my old copies of Chiropractor Monthly? I have got loads of back issues. Link to comment
Seafood Posted April 17, 2022 Share #247 Posted April 17, 2022 I've come to the conclusion that my memory is like an etch-a-sketch... I shake my head and forget everything 1 Link to comment
MMT Posted April 18, 2022 Share #248 Posted April 18, 2022 My brother is a policeman and I saw him wearing an airline pilot's uniform. He winked at me and said; "Shhh, I'm in plane clothes." Link to comment
MMT Posted April 18, 2022 Share #249 Posted April 18, 2022 Everyone on our street wears woolly pullovers that are a size too small. We're a tight knit community. Link to comment
Seafood Posted April 18, 2022 Share #250 Posted April 18, 2022 I think I might have used too much fabric softener when washing my underwear, I haven't had an erection for a week. Link to comment
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