Koolkat’s Quips - funny One-Liners

[Seafood]

A Pun has not completely matured until it is full Groan!

 

[Seafood]

Have you heard about the new restaurant called ‘Karma?’ There’s no menu—you get what you deserve.

[Seafood]

My friend’s bakery burned down last night. Now his business is toast.

[Seafood]

I want to grow my own food but cannot find bacon seeds.

[Seafood]

Is your Car running? I'm going to vote for it!

[Seafood]

Why do they call it the novel coronavirus? It’s a long story....

 

[Seafood]

I can tell when people are being judgmental just by looking at them.

[Seafood]

It was an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers.

[Seafood]

Just got fired from my job as a set designer. I left without making a scene.

[koolkat]

A few more excuses:

·       “We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.”  (Vince Lombardi)

·       “We haven’t lost it, we just don’t know where it is at the moment.”

·        “Well, if I called the wrong number, why did you answer the phone?”  (James Thurber)

[Seafood]

Are people born with photographic memories, or does it take time to develop?

 

[koolkat]

And two more excuses for the lazy:

·       “The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.”  (Joan Rivers)

·       “Exercise is bunk.  If you are healthy, you don't need it; if you are sick, you shouldn't take it.”  (Henry Ford)

[Seafood]

I was wondering why the frisbee kept getting bigger and bigger, but then it hit me.

[Seafood]

6:30 is the best time on a clock, hands down.

[Seafood]

Money can't buy happiness, then explain V8's & Beer?

[Seafood]

A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.

[Seafood]

If attacked by a mob of clowns, go for the juggler.

[Seafood]

Well, to be Frank with you, I’d have to change my name.

[Seafood]

I buy all my guns from a guy called T-Rex. He’s a small arms dealer.

[Seafood]

‘Doctor, there’s a patient on line one that says he’s invisible.’
‘Well, tell him I can’t see him right now.’

[Seafood]

The easiest time to add insult to injury is when you’re signing someone’s cast.

[Seafood]

Just because you are offended, doesn't mean it's right.

[Seafood]

I was kidnapped by a group of mimes once. They did unspeakable things to me.

[Seafood]

I tried to organize a professional Hide-and-Seek tournament, but it was a complete failure. The really good players are hard to find.

[Seafood]

If a man's zipper is down, that's his problem- you didn't see
nothin'.