Seafood Posted August 11, 2022 Share #376 Posted August 11, 2022 My new girlfriend said you don't like my cooking. I said yes I do. She said prove it. So I had another slice of gravy! Link to comment
Seafood Posted August 12, 2022 Share #377 Posted August 12, 2022 My wife was looking at an evening dress in an expensive shop, "It's beautiful, isn't it?" she said. "Yes, " I replied, "I wonder if they have it in your shape. " Link to comment
Seafood Posted August 13, 2022 Share #378 Posted August 13, 2022 So, I've noticed that i've become happier and calmer since I swapped Coffee for Fresh Orange on a morning.. My Doctor says it's to do with the Vitamin C and Natural sugar content.. I still strongly believe it's the Vodka I mix in.. Link to comment
Seafood Posted August 14, 2022 Share #379 Posted August 14, 2022 I don't think the Man Utd WAGs have anything to worry about. I've not seen a bunch of men play away so badly in my lifetime!! Link to comment
Seafood Posted August 15, 2022 Share #380 Posted August 15, 2022 I was winning an argument with the wife but then she took her top off... I was speechless, it was a booby trap... Link to comment
Seafood Posted August 16, 2022 Share #381 Posted August 16, 2022 I'm at an age where all of my secrets are safe with friends because they can't remember them either “ Link to comment
Seafood Posted August 17, 2022 Share #382 Posted August 17, 2022 I was struggling to get my wife's attention. So, I sat down on the sofa and looked comfortable. That did the trick! Link to comment
Seafood Posted August 18, 2022 Share #383 Posted August 18, 2022 Believe it or not in 1982 Cliff Richard dated tennis player Sue Barker. That year she remained unseeded! Link to comment
Seafood Posted August 19, 2022 Share #384 Posted August 19, 2022 Ryan Giggs cries in court as he describes spending a night in a cell as being the worst time in his life. It could be worse Ryan, at least you're not in the current man United team!! Link to comment
Seafood Posted August 20, 2022 Share #385 Posted August 20, 2022 Why don't they make planes out of the black boxes they find in air disasters? I find this baffling! Link to comment
Seafood Posted August 21, 2022 Share #386 Posted August 21, 2022 If you have multiple broken ribs it can be extremely painful when you laugh. Ensure a pain-free recovery by watching the box set of Mrs Brown's Boys! Link to comment
Seafood Posted August 22, 2022 Share #387 Posted August 22, 2022 To the 89 year old lady that just won 54 million on the lottery.. Whats up baby? Link to comment
Seafood Posted August 23, 2022 Share #388 Posted August 23, 2022 I wonder if any policeman has ever managed to keep a straight face, While telling a woman she has the right to remain silent. Link to comment
Seafood Posted August 24, 2022 Share #389 Posted August 24, 2022 A hacker got into my bank account, then left me a note, "Please save more money. This was a complete waste of my time! Link to comment
Seafood Posted August 25, 2022 Share #390 Posted August 25, 2022 I played football yesterday on a pitch compacted by rubble and broken bricks....we won 5-4 on aggregate Link to comment
Seafood Posted August 26, 2022 Share #391 Posted August 26, 2022 I said to the pharmacist, “Can you recommend something for a constant headache?”……He said “Have you tried marriage?” Link to comment
Seafood Posted August 27, 2022 Share #392 Posted August 27, 2022 My boss fired me for making too many Asean jokes. It was the end of my Korea. I'm still China find another job. Link to comment
Seafood Posted August 28, 2022 Share #393 Posted August 28, 2022 My wife and I have the cutest nicknames for each other. She is my buttercup and I’m her useless sack of sh*t! 1 Link to comment
Seafood Posted August 29, 2022 Share #394 Posted August 29, 2022 So I went to a wife swapping party last night. Result. Got a set of headlamps for a Ford Capri and three Shakin’ Stevens LPs!!.. Link to comment
Seafood Posted August 30, 2022 Share #395 Posted August 30, 2022 Make your next car crash more fun by replacing the Airbag With a Custard Pie!! Link to comment
Seafood Posted August 31, 2022 Share #396 Posted August 31, 2022 I threw a ball for my dog... It's a bit extravagant I know, but it was his birthday and he looks great in a dinner jacket. Link to comment
Seafood Posted September 1, 2022 Share #397 Posted September 1, 2022 Will the parents of the child who fell into the lion enclosure please come to lost property to collect his shoe laces! Link to comment
Seafood Posted September 2, 2022 Share #398 Posted September 2, 2022 We used to leave the lights on to deter burglars. Now, it attracts them because they think we must be loaded!! Link to comment
Seafood Posted September 3, 2022 Share #399 Posted September 3, 2022 Always remember its better to wake up and pee than to pee and wake up ☺️ Link to comment
Seafood Posted September 4, 2022 Share #400 Posted September 4, 2022 I hate hotel bath towels. So thick and fluffy. I can't even close my suitcase! Link to comment
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