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Koolkat’s Quick Quips


koolkat

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The quick jokes and witty quotes in each post will have a common theme.

But first, let’s clear the backlog from the quotes and one-liners posted in the Chatbox.

From Chatbox Part I

When I die, I'd like the word "HUMBLE" to be written on my statue.

Man addicted to brake fluid claims he can stop any time he wants.

A man has been stealing wheels of police cars.

Police are working tirelessly to catch him.

Moses had the first tablet that could connect to the cloud.

Nothing tops a plain pizza.

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From Chatbox Part II

Cross eyed teacher cannot control pupils.

The hardest thing of all is to find a black cat in a dark room, especially if there is no cat.

Toner cartridge: A device to refill laser printers;

invented by the Association of American Dry Cleaners.

It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious.

Nobody is listening till you make a mistake.

 

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According to a
solicitors letter in
my neighbour's wheelie bin,
"I'm a stalker."

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I asked an Irishman in Dublin what time the pub closed. He said "For 2 hours in October"

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All this talk of the deep state has certainly grabbed many folks attention but I think I am going to pass and have a deep steak instead!!

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Got to the bus stop and a asked the pregnant woman already waiting.. "When's it due"? "Next week" she replied. "Think I'll walk, it'll be a lot fucing quicker".

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So Johnny Depp threw an iPhone at Amber Heard? Could be worse. If it was a Nokia 3310, she'd be dead.

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Light travels faster than sound, which is the reason that some people appear bright before you hear them speak.

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Always borrow money from a pessimist. They’ll never expect it back.

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I don’t suffer from insanity—I enjoy every minute of it.

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The unemployment office want me to see them at 10:00am tomorrow. ...Don't they know i don't get up till 2:00pm.

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After 27 years, Bill Gates has decided to update his hardware!

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Maybe if we start telling people their brain is an app, they’ll want to use it.

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I didn’t think orthopedic shoes would help, but I stand corrected.

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Adam & Eve were the first ones to ignore the Apple terms and conditions.

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·       Excuses are like butts. Everybody’s got one and they all stink.

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·       “I didn't accept it.  I received it.”  (Richard Allen, on being accused of accepting bribery)

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Refusing to go to the gym is a form of resistance training.

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·       “We really didn’t go bankrupt; we just ran out of money.”

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Don’t you hate it when someone answers their own questions? I do.

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I failed math so many times at school, I can’t even count.

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