Stupid Instructions

September 10, 2020

Stupid Instructions

Are we really that stupid?

Here are actual label instructions on consumer goods:

On Sears hair dryer: Do not use while sleeping.
On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
On a bar of Dial soap: Directions: Use like regular soap.
On some Swanson frozen dinners: Serving suggestions: Defrost.
Printed on the bottom of Tesco Tiramisu dessert: Do not turn upside down.
On Marks and Spencer Bread Pudding: Product will be hot after heating.
On packaging for a iron: Do not iron clothes on body.
On Children's Cough Medicine: Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication.
On Nytol Sleep Aid: Warning: May cause drowsiness.
On Christmas lights: For indoor or outdoor use only.
On a Japanese food processor: Not to be used for the other use.
On peanuts: Warning: Contains nuts.
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
On a child's Superman costume: Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
On a chain saw: Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals.
On a toboggan: Beware: Sledge may develop high speed under certain snow conditions.
On a knife sharpener: Caution: knives are sharp.
On shin pads for cyclists: Shin guards cannot protect any part of the body they do not cover.
On a take away coffee cup: Caution: Hot beverages are hot.
Emergency safety procedures at a US summer camp: In case of flood, proceed uphill. In case of flash flood proceed uphill quickly.
In a microwave oven manual: Do not use for drying pets.
On the back of a pilot's seat in a NATO aircraft: Seat must be facing forward for take-off and landing.
On the bottom of a cola bottle: Do not open here.
On a Harry Potter wizards’ broom: This broom does not actually fly.
On a box of aspirin: Do not take if allergic to aspirin.
On a bottle of laundry detergent: Remove clothing before distributing in washing machine.
On a muffin packet: Remove wrapper, open mouth, insert muffin, eat.
In a kettle instruction manual: The appliance is switched on by setting the 'ON/OFF' button to the 'ON' position.
On a ketchup bottle: Instructions: Put on food.
On a bottle of Rum: Open bottle before drinking.
A car park sign: Entrance only. Do not enter.
A sign in a street in Hong Kong: Beware of people.
Rules on a tram in Prague: Beware! To touch these wires is instant death. Anyone found doing so will be persecuted.
Sign on newly-renovated ramp entrance, USA: Take care: new non-slip surface.
On a can of air freshener: For use by trained personnel only.
On a bottle of baby lotion: Keep away from children.
On a pair of socks bought in Egypt: Do not wash.
On a 500-piece jigsaw puzzle: Some assembly required.
On a can of pepper spray used for self-defence: May irritate eyes.
In a car handbook: In order to get out of car, open door, get out lock doors, and then close doors.
On a packet of cashew nut pieces: Warning: This product may contain residue of nuts.
Directions for mosquito repellent: Replacing battery: replace old battery with a new one.
On a birthday card for a one year old: Not suitable for children aged under 36 months or less.
In a hotel bedroom: Please do not turn on TV except when in use.
In a lift in a hotel: Push this button in case anything happens.
On a toilet cleaning brush: Do not use orally.
On a can of Spray paint: Do not spray in your face.
On a TV remote: Not Dishwasher safe.
On a blowtorch: Not used for drying hair.
On a washing machine in a launderette: No small children.
On a bottle of hair dye: Do not use as Ice Cream topping.
On a push along lawn mower: Not to be used as a hedge trimmer.
On a box of fireworks: Do not put in mouth.
On the packaging for a wrist watch: Warning this is not underwear! Do not attempt to put in pants.
In a dishwasher manual: Do not allow children to play in dishwasher.
On a toaster: Do not use underwater.
On a mattress: Do not attempt to swallow.

September 10, 2020

Actually, there's a contradiction, right here, in this forum's first page:

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Talk about what ever you wish. Keep it clean.

"talk about whatever you wish"

"Keep it clean"

Duh?

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