Andr-Tech uk666 Posted May 12, 2019 Andr-Tech Share #1 Posted May 12, 2019 Guide to Dogs Things that I, the Dog, Must Remember: The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff. I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I’m lying under the coffee table. I will not roll my toys behind the fridge, behind the sofa or under the bed. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house. I will not eat the cats’ food, before they eat it or after they throw it up. I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of clean carpet in the house when I am about to get sick. I will not throw up in the car. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I like the way they smell. “Kitty box crunchies,” although they are tasty, are not food. I will not eat any more Kleenex or napkins and then redeposit them in the backyard after processing. The diaper pail is not a cookie jar. I will not chew my human’s toothbrush and not tell them. I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not the red ones, or my people will think I am haemorrhaging. When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when it’s raining outside. We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark each time I hear one on TV. I will not steal my Mom’s underwear and dance all over the back yard with it. The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are Mom & Dad’s laps. My head does not belong in the refrigerator. I will not bite the officer’s hand when he reaches in for dad’s driver’s license and car registration. I will not play tug-of-war with dad’s underwear when he’s on the toilet. I will not eat mint flavoured dental floss out of the bathroom garbage—this will avoid having a string hanging out of my butt. I will not use “roll around in the dirt” as an option after just getting a bath. Sticking my nose into someone’s crotch is not an acceptable way of saying hello. I will not hump on any person’s leg just because I thought it was the right thing to do. I will not pass gas in my owner’s face while sleeping on the pillow next to their head. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt across the carpet. The toilet bowl is not a never-ending water supply and, just because the water is blue, it doesn’t mean it is cleaner. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch when company is over. The cat is not a squeaky toy so, when I play with him and he makes that noise, it’s usually not a good thing. Link to comment
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