The Laws Of Ultimate Reality

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The Laws Of Ultimate Reality

These are the unavoidable laws of the universe, as we know it:

Law of Mechanical Repair:
After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.

Law of Gravity:
Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

Law of Probability:
The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

Law of Random Numbers:
If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.

Law of the Alibi:
If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire..

Variation Law:
If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).

Law of the Bath:
When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

Law of Close Encounters:
The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

Law of the Result:
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

Law of Biomechanics:
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

Law of the Theatre:
At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.

The Starbucks Law:
As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something, which will last until the coffee is cold.

Law of Lockers:
If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

Law of Physical Surfaces:
The chances of an open-faced jam sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.

Law of Logical Argument:
Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

Law of Physical Appearance:
If the shoe fits, it's ugly.

Law of Public Speaking:
A closed mouth gathers no feet.

Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy:
As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

Doctors' Law:
If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better. Don't make an appointment and you'll stay sick.